Healing Blog

One of my favorite stories to tell is one I heard at a 12 Step Meeting of Overeaters Anonymous. A woman who has suffered greatly from Bulimia and Compulsive Overeating made a pact with her daughter-in-law to do everything they could to prevent an Eating Disorder in this woman’s grand daughter, Stella. Eating Disorders are a genetic disorder, like alcoholism they can be passed down from generation to generation. The daughter was on board to prevent Stella from an Eating Disorder; so from the day Stella was born her mother always told her, “Stella you’ve got a great body!” Fast forward and Stella is 5 years old, she is playing with a little boy in her neighborhood. The boy tells her, “Stella you’re ugly! You need some makeup!” Stella response was priceless… she said, “First of all, I’m very pretty. Second of all I’VE GOT A GREAT BODY!”

Can you imagine? A 5 year old sticking up for herself? Not doubting her physical worth? I think it’s partly an amazing story because you just don’t hear stories like this. It’s more common to hear stories about little girls coming home in tears that someone called them fat. What was it that happened for Stella that this little boy couldn’t shake her up? Why was she so strong and sturdy in her self worth?  I believe it’s because she was repeatedly fed confidence and strength in exactly who she is each and every day for the past 1825 days of her life.

So what are the rest of the little girls in our society feasting on? Well we have anorexic Barbie’s, glossy celebrity magazines and Disney films with ONE princess and coincidentally no mommy. This void of mommy’s in Disney movies only became apparent to me recently. But if you think about it, Cinderella’s mother was dead, Jasmine’s mother was dead, The Little Mermaids mother was dead, Belle’s mother was dead, Snow White’s mother was dead and  Sleeping Beauty’s mother sent her to the forest with some granny fairies. So the message we get from these stories absent of a mother is that in order to be a shiny beautiful princess you have to figure out the lessons of life on your own with your colorful animal friends.

But, does that work in real life? No.

So where did all the mommy’s go? Apparently here they are dead. That’s one thing, but what about the rest of the mommies on this earth who have daughters with Eating Disorders where are they? Are they telling their daughter that she is beautiful in body, mind and spirit? That she deserves to be respected and valued for simply existing, outside of her good looks and good grades? I’m not sure they are because we have 7 million women in America with Eating Disorders. Yes, Eating Disorders are genetic, but they are also somewhat preventable. Preventable by you and me.

I would like to request a “Resurrection of the mommies!” If you are a woman in any young girls life, whether you be a sister, aunt, nanny, teacher, soccer coach or dance instructor it’s your job to tell the little princesses in your life, “I think you are a beautiful, strong and amazing young woman. You have a great body and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!”

Society can be messed up and it can create messed up kids. But as human beings we have a choice on which way we choose to go. WE can either build strong women like Stella or create juvenile princesses with no purpose but entertainment value. The choice is all of ours.

Eating Disorders
The three main types of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder.

Percent of Population

In their lifetime, an estimated 0.6 percent of the adult population in the U.S. will suffer from anorexia, 1.0 percent from bulimia, and 2.8 percent from a binge eating disorder.

Women are Affected More

Women are much more likely than males to develop an eating disorder. They are three times as likely to experience anorexia (0.9 percent of women vs. 0.3 percent of men) and bulimia (1.5 percent of women vs. 0.5 percent of men) during their life.

Women are also 75 percent more likely to have a binge eating disorder (3.5 percent of women vs. 2.0 percent of men).

A Deadly Disorder

The mortality rate among people with anorexia has been estimated at 0.56 percent per year, or approximately 5.6 percent per decade, which is about 12 times higher than the annual death rate due to all causes of death among females ages 15-24 in the general population. 

Getting Help

Contact The Victorian by Calling 888-268-9182 for a confidential assessment and have your questions answered by one of our caring intake counselors.  Don't wait, eating disorders are deadly.

We read a great article about Miss America visiting Arizona and spreading her good message. Here is the article on abc15.com. 

She has been to our facility before several times spreading her message and working toward the benefit of women who struggle with disordered eating.

As you can see in the below video, she had some nice things to say about our facility: 

Psychology of ED

Chandra Chalkin will be discussing the Psychology of Women and doing some Movement Therapy. To learn more about Chandra Chalkin and her services visit her website here. Otherwise I look forward to seeing your beautiful self:

Sunday, March 28th
7pm - 8pm
The Victorian 505 29th Street
Newport Beach, CA 92663

Ciao Bellas!
 Irvina

This week the Clinical Director of The Victorian, Dr. Michele Lob sent me a poem written by one of the current clients living at The Victorian, an Eating Disorder Rehab in Newport Beach. She said the client would like the opportunity to share her poem with others who might be currently in the clutches of "ED". The following poem is her reality, painful and graphic. For me the most poignant thing about this poem is knowing the girl who wrote it....if you met her you would see a gorgeous, smart, witty, funny, creative, intelligent and caring girl. Besides her svelte appearance one would never have an inkling of the nightmare that lives inside her mind, like many women with Eating Disorders she masks it well. I wonder how many more women there are out there masking their pain? I wonder how many women you know? - Irvina

EDs Curse

ED's Curse
By: Victorian Client, March 2010




So, you want to be skinny?


Well, you risk running into me.


My initials are E.D.


Everything is fine you see.


You tell yourself: "I just want to look like the girls on T.V"


You will start by cutting out food here and there.


One day the hunger, you won't be able to bear.


You will eat your kitchen away and what luck.....


you can throw your food up.


You make up excuses as to why you have gotten deathly thin.


You start to tell yourself I'll never throw up again.


But the second you feel pain, misery, and sorrow,


You through up again to feel empty and hollow.


I'm now your crutch, your release!


Do you think your mind will be at peace?


Well, not with me in your head,


My self-loathing thoughts will make you wish you were dead.


You're tired of throwing up stomach acid and blood,


You're tired of fainting everytime you get up,


Your teeth are rotting and you bones are thin and weak


You search for a hand to help you out of this mess


Until then, it's E.D. who has control of your stress!!!

The article discusses the misunderstanding that Eating Disorders root from the media images of emaciated models. R.A. Botta, who is the writer of the 1999 study, “Television Images and Adolescent Girls’ Body Image Disturbance” states that the media doesn’t make one Anorexic. Anorexia is a psychological disorder that is found to be a genetic disposition from birth.

The reason I bring this up is I think it’s quite poignant that my friend and others would be surprised to hear that Anorexia and other Eating Disorders are not rooted from our medias expectations on the human figure, but really are psychological. What bothers me is that I have found people outside of the Eating Disorder field to refer to Eating Disorders as a “phase” or “vanity” and “self absorption.” Those statements themselves are myths.

Eating Disorder Myths

Eating Disorders are intricate and deep rooted Psychological disorders. Anyone who has worked in the field or has experienced an Eating Disorder themselves can attest to that.

I think the best way to describe it is the difference between an Anorexic and woman who diets is that the Anorexic has no threshold with dieting and starving. Women who are not Anorexic will diet, but then get hungry, blow their diet and just eat. An anorexic will keep going even after she is told how ill she is, how brittle her bones are and how close she is to a heart attack….she has no self-preservation...which makes it a mental illness.

I remember this study that polled 10,000 women about body image and dieting. They asked the women "If I gave you a pill that guaranteed you would be skinny, but taking the pill had a side affect of you possibly dying would you take it?"...10% of those women said, "Yes." That 10% is the group of Anorexics/Bulimic/Eating Disordered women. Willing to die to be thin is an illness.

If you still aren’t convinced take a read at the article from DicoveryNews.com yourself by clicking here. Education is the key to destroying these myths that block the women who are truly sick with this disease from getting help while they wait for this “phase” to pass and end up dying. Blog soon! Irvina

A wider understanding of Eating Disorders has sky rocketed in recent years. Much of the credit goes to organizations like http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ They sponsor advertisements in magazines for recovery, they offer support for Eating Disorder sufferers and their parents AND they host the National Eating Disoarder Awareness week each Spring! Heck Yeah!

 This year all 50 of the United States and over 20 different countries came together and hosted speaking panels from Eating Disorder survivors, Fundraisers for treatment, Awareness booths on college campuses and Candle Light Vigils for those we have lost from this disease. Check out the pictures from the site by clicking here. It is truly inspiring to see people rallying together to work for change for all women! xoxo Irvina

Meditation and Art Therapy

Sunday nights are my favorites at The Victorian...where else can you meet up with amazing women, do a book study and/or get group therapy from a professional in the field of Eating Disorders? Hello...Jackpot! And the jackpot it is this weekend cause we are having the lovely Dr. Roxanee Cherry PhD coming to do Guided Meditation and Art Therapy with our women, Alumni, friends and friends of friends-sisters-baristas- dog-sitter! Our motto is "The more the women IN- the more the Eating Disorder - OUT!" So mark your calendar:

Meditation and Art Therapy at
The Victorian
505 29th Street
Newport Beach, CA 92660
7pm to 8pm

*To learn more about Dr.Cherry and her practice please click here.
Otherwise...see you on Sunday!

xoxo
Irvina

Happy Monday beauties! Last night we kicked off a great Book Study at the Victorian Recovery Rocks Meeting. We just started reading Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds From Now by Jessica Weiner. The meeting runs for an hour. We read for the first half hour, then reflected as a group on the reading for the last half hour. The thoughts from the women were a unanymous, "This book is AMAZING!" and "My Eating Disorder is evil." In the book Weiner highlights how utterly bizarre it is how much easier it is for a woman to say, "I'm Fat" rather than, "I'm lonely." It's also more acceptable for a woman to say, "I'm on a diet" rather than "I need time to take care of myself." Weiner points out the taboo's and ruffles the feathers of deciet. We are all so stoked to get back to this book in the weeks to come!

5 Pounds from Now

I actually went online and found some more info on Jessica Weiner. If you want to get involved in advocacy for Eating Disorder recovery her site is a great place to start, check it out: http://www.jessweiner.com/

Anorexia is a Nightmare

Try and imagine a slave working in a sweat shop, 24 hours a day in the blistering heat with no food, just coffee to suppress her appetite. Yep, that’s us, Anorexics…blistering and starving with a smile! Seriously though, a sweat shop may sound kind of harsh, but Anorexia is an experience beyond any hellacious 24-7 job and as the Eating Disorder progresses the demands of the day escalate even more. Keeping master “ED” happy with a gaunt body yet appear to be sound and healthy to everyone else is time consuming.

Here’s a look at what Anorexic days look like…waking up to hunger pains which are numbed with appetite suppressants…. The ritual weighing in “How fat I am” happens right out of bed and periodically through out the day. Then there is a spin class at 5am followed by pinching her belly and arms after class to see how much more fat is still there…. Eating half an apple to calm the hunger and drinking 2 Venti Coffees with Splenda to fill up the stomach and give the appearance of energy. More complicated than dodging hunger pains is dodging “People”. They can be an obstacle with their invitations for lunch and offering a slice of a co –workers birthday cake…they just get in the way! For lunch she eats half a power bar for energy….making sure no one will see her eat it thinking that they will think shes “fat” for eating it. The rest of the day, she will research diets, calculate the calories in everything she has eaten since breakfast and order a 21 day detox program on –line…And that’s all before noon.

But, this Anorexic existence can only last for so long, until, the house of cards comes crashing down. Within the Eating Disorder recovery community we call this “The flip of the coin” where the Anorexic gets so nutrient deprived that she has lets say just one bite of ice cream….all of the sudden out of no where the full time Anorexic does a 180 and now instead of constantly focusing on staying away from food, she is now focused on getting as much food as she can and starts bingeing. Cyclically this can lead to purging behaviors like bulimia and laxatives. Like Alcoholism, Eating Disorders are progressive in nature. Try and think of the Alcoholic who drank all weekend, then just at night, then all week, then it lead to prescription pills and then to cocaine. Now, this person isn't just an embarassing "bar drunk" she's an Alcholic and a drug addict. But, it didn’t happen over night, it was progressive.

What many Anorexics and their parents don’t understand is how the behaviors of different eating disorders feed off of each other. To re-cap: Anorexia causes binging and compulsive overeating which then turns into purging. Now, just because a woman binges doesn’t mean that her “Anorexic phase” is over. Her binging will cause her to gain weight and then her Anorexic flag will go up and she starves again. The starving leads again to binging which then leads to purging and of course shame which takes us back to square one of the Anorexic thinking, “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to eat.” As well, now this woman isn’t just working full-time as an Anorexic, but she is now a slave for 3 eating disorders…Anorexia, Binging/Compulsive Overeating and Bulimia all compiled are more time consuming and mentally draining than you could ever imagine.

I know so many women who wish someone would have offered them help at the anorexic stage. In my own words I have said, “had someone told me how painful Compulsive Overeating was, I would have eaten those damn carbs as an Anorexic.” If you or someone you know has Anorexia, believe me, recovery is the hardest thing to do, but RECOVERY gets easier….ANOREXIA only gets worse and only lasts so long, until it turns into another Eating Disorder or death.

Xoxo Irvina

Staying in the NOW with ED

because they have no thought connection to the binging and starving. They think, I want to be thin…don’t eat…exercise…don’t eat…exercise…” They never get the opportunity to pause and say, “Hey what is going on in this moment in my life. WHY do I want to be thin?” Eventually clients find that the lack of food or excess means something greater than their feeling at the moment.

and discover that they are a completely different person than they thought they were. Sometimes they have a new favorite color or favorite band, some even dabble with the thought of a new occupation. It’s the act of being still, listening to their inner dialogue that they are able to discover themselves and heal.

to be mindful of her feelings. To center herself and find what kind of role she want to play in the world she lives in.

Like Alcoholism an Eating Disorder is a disease of the mind and Impulse Control Disorder goes hand in hand with Anorexia, Bulimia and Compulsive Overeating. An Impulse Control Disorder is defined as: A psychological disorders characterized by the repeated inability to refrain from performing a particular action that is harmful either to oneself or others.
Causes of Impulse Control disorder are thought to come from 4 possible areas.

ED Suffers Struggle With Impulse Control

1.) Traumatic Brain Injury – Particularly true when the damage has been done to the frontal cortex area. (Jentsch & Taylor, 1999.)

2.) Substance Abuse – Research shows that those who abuse multiple substances show more impulsive behavior than those who abuse single substances. (O’Boyle & Baratt, 1993).

3.) Major Mental Disorders - Often associated with impulsivity while the individual is in a psychotic state. This is particularly true of Bipolar Disorder where the impulsive behavior is most often associated with the manic phase.

4.) Personality Disorders - Primarily borderline, anti-social, narcissistic, and histrionic. Impulsivity in the form of risk-tasking behaviors, sexual promiscuity, gestures and threats of self-harm and other attention-seeking behaviors.

“So what is the treatment for someone with Impulse Control Disorder AND an Eating Disorder?” I’m so glad you asked! … At The Victorian the program is structured to battle Eating Disorders from 3 angles. Mental, Physical and Spiritual. Here is how we do it.

1.) MENTAL - Therapy – We teach our clients the life long tool of how to be their own therapist. Our therapist don’t preach they challenge the clients ….“Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now before I do this impulsive act? Now, play it through…what am I going to do, how am I going to do it and how will I feel afterward?” Through therapy we give clients tools to take care of themselves and eventually heal.

2.) PHYSICAL - Medication – Within the first few days of arrival at The Victorian an appointment is set up with a trusted and outstanding Psychiatrist who assesses the client and prescribes medication if needed.

3.) SPIRITUAL - Supportive Living Environment – When it comes to Eating Disorders and Impulse Control Disorder, recovery is a life long process. It starts with the individual being held accountable for their actions by staff. At The Victorian we don’t lock the cupboards or kitchen and we allow clients to prepare their own food with staff present. The only job of the client is to be honest, to ask for support when their impulses feel out of control and to speak up when their ED (Eating Disorder) is chattering eating disordered thoughts to them. Together staff and client can battle this disease together.

I hope this answered some of your questions about Impulse Control Disorder and Eating Disorders! Have a great weekend and Happy Recovery! Xoxo Irvina

Eating Disorders are not a disease of vanity, self absorption or an aversion to food, they are a disease of the mind. For a person without an Eating Disorder addiction it is normal to have some feelings of insecurity when "Keeping up with Jones'" It's the human condition to look around and ask, "Where do I measure up?" "Where can I improve?" But, for a woman or man with an Eating Disorder the question isn't "Where do I measure up?" It's "Am I the BEST?" If we are not the BEST, we honestly, hate ourselves and we cope with putting the focus and attention on our bodies.

Research has proven that women with Anorexia Nervosa have IQ scores between 120 and 140 (Thats pretty stinkin' high) Obviously it is in the genetic disposition of these clients to be naturally high achievers. The goal in Eating Disorder treatment is to take that drive for perfection and channel it into a healthy avenue that looks like a "Perfectly Imperfect Life." Now, to you, maybe you're a parent or a concerned loved one you think, "Well duh. Life isn't perfect. That sounds simple. I'll teach my girl that myself." If that's your stance then I have two words for you: "Good Luck." I have worked in the Eating Disorder field for about 2 years now and I have experienced an ED myself. If there is something I know about "us" it's that this relinquishing of perfection and constant comparing takes a lifetime of recovery work.

At the Victorian we talk about being the best "Phoebe, Chloe, Liz and Irvina you can be." Doing our personal best each day and being patient with ourselves. More times than not this new way of thinking sounds repulsive to clients, I remember one client insisting, "NO! I have to be the BEST! I won't settle for the best me! I want to be THE BEST!" As she broke down in sobs.

As a woman in recovery, the thing that I have to remember about being the "BEST" is that because I have a voice in my head called "ED" my best will never be good enough. Once I accomplish straight A's, I'll be told "Anyone can do that. Wheres your 7 figure job?" Once I have the job I'll be told, "Everyone can make money. Wheres your husband?" Then I'll have him and I'll be told, "He's not much....she has a better husband...you should get a new one." The comparing, the achieving, the having never lets up with an ED. Thats why it takes a lifetime of recovery, meetings, a support group of friends who understand and periodic therapy.

I think that because Eating Disorders are so taboo in the media and not many people know that they are indeed an addiction, it seems as if a woman should just learn to "eat again and move on with her life." Hmmm...the women I know who have done that have come back after 8 years asking for help again because they thought the bulimia and starvation was gone. This disease is stuck in between the crevices and the corners of our brain. It's always waiting to pounce on us and take us down and kill us, like drugs and alcohol. That is the nature of the disease to kill us. I'm not trying to sound dark and dramatic, I guess I'm just trying to relate how something as simple as the act of comparing my body to your body can send me into a tail spin. That if I let myself look at how awesome your job and boyfriend are and then look at my single self I might come up short and then want to starve over my feelings of insecurity. So whats the solution? 1.) Meetings: Where I can say, "Hey I think I suck cause she looks cute in that dress. Is that normal?" 2.) A new way of thinking: Remembering that I am on my path and you are on yours. Sometimes I'll be in a sunnier spot and sometimes you will be, but it's my job to focus on my path, not yours.

I pray that whoever you are who is reading this blog that you learn to not compare yourself to others. That you appreciate yourself and explore your uniqueness and gifts and utilize them to the best of YOUR ability.

Much love,

Irvina

I have seen the women rally around each other and finding the positive side of being in Eating Disorder treatment over the holiday. Many note that being in treatment will make them a better wife, girlfriend and mother in the long run. Treatment allows them the opportunity to love deeper and better.

Love Yourself First

As I hear the women talk I am reminded of an old adage, “Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself.” The first time I heard this was when I was about 17. These words sounded like a foreign language to me. I envisioned myself on a football field, all suited up and ready to play, but before I could even step on the field the referee stopped me before I ever touched the sidelines with the prerequisite, “You must love yourself first, BEFORE you can step on the field and play.” Up until that point I had always believed that love was an open game for anyone to play, that is anyone who had the “courage” to play.

Since the first time I have heard this saying about loving yourself first, I have learned that courage definitely is necessary to love, but the courage must be rooted in a deep love to love yourself through thick and thin. The best way I can paint this picture is with a high school. All high school teenagers go through a phase of insecurity, self doubt and confusion. While they are trying to figure out where they belong amongst cheerleaders and the artsy crew, they cling to their close friends for reassurance and praise that they do in deed have a place to belong. I’m sure all of us remember “cliques” in high school. Not loving yourself first is like being a hormonal teenager in a clique. You cling to a group or best friend to validate you, define you and give you purpose. Eventually though we all learn that our best friends are flawed too. That just because they are in our clique doesn’t make them infalliable. This realization that our clique isn't perfect sends us into a tail spin, that we aren't safe in the world any longer.

The truth is when you love yourself you can step out of a clique and say, “Wow, I’m not as loud as a cheerleader. I’m not as deep as the drama kids. I’m not as charismatic as the ASB president. In honesty, I’m a talented individual who can make great tea pots with clay, I’m an average student, but I’m a kind person and I’m a great friend and I draw well with pastels. And now that I see that I am not perfect I can also see that other people aren’t perfect. I can see where I have a temper, insecurity and fear and I still love myself for that. I don’t need anyone’s validation that I am smart or pretty enough, because I know that I am just fine where I am. When we get to this spot of accepting ourselves and not clinging to anything or anyone to keep us safe we can freely and openly love people. We can see our partners for their weaknesses and flaws and say, I know you’re not perfect and I know I’m not perfect, but I still love you and I still love me.

In all honesty I think it’s actually harder to love yourself than to love another person. Because at the end of the day we know our flaws. We know where we are ignorant, rude and inconsiderate. The hard thing is to be able to look at ourselves honestly and say, “I know you’re not perfect and I still LOVE you.” When we can do that for ourselves we can honestly and sincerely grow close to other people. We can see where they are not perfect and instead of being disappointed or critical of them we can instead relate to that imperfection and in turn say, “I know you’re not perfect, but I still LOVE you.”

Happy Valentines to all! May you love much and well this year and may you most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
 
xoxo,
Irvina

Global Eating Disorder

I have been here for the past two weeks and have been profoundly moved by the Indian women here in Tenali, a small region of India here in Andarha Pradesh. I came here on a mission trip with a group of people to serve the Harvest India orphans,  elderly, leapors and women rescued from sex trafficking. Considering that the empowerment of women is of great importance to me I asked quite a few questions about the women rescued from sex trafficking. I knew that this kind of traumatic experience would lead a woman to self harming behaviors like eating disorders. I asked around if these women were exhibiting eating disorder behaviors? The answer was an undoubted, "Yes". My next question was "Well, do they have therapist or support groups in the area?" The answer was a solemn, "No".

It has been explained to me that in the culture of India women are considered to be "worthless". As a whole the culture does not believe that women deserve dignity and respect, therefore when it comes down to trying to do therapy or counseling with these women the message doesn't translate into this culture. The way they see it, "If I am worthless why should I talk about my feelings? What purpose does it serve to say I deserve respect if I demand it and no one gives it?"

Thankfully there is research being done on how to translate this message of "self worth" to these women rescued out of sex trafficking. But, until this goal is accomplished, until these women understand that what has been done to them is undeserved I feel the darkness of this reality in a painful way. I guess I just remember getting therapy for my own Eating Disorder and thinking how foreign the concept was that I "deserved" to nourish my body. It makes me sick to think that the women I saw with beautiful smiles wearing colorful saree's and clutching small children won't grasp that concept for a very long time.

On the flip side, I have a tremendous amount of gratitude on the subject. If it wasn't for the compassion of women in recovery from Eating Disorders, violence, rape or sex trafficking who would care to help these women? I have always found it moving that without women willing to get recovery there would be no group of Overeaters Anonymous or Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous. It is with each woman who goes into Eating Disorder Recovery that we give the gift of recovery to another woman. The world is a place of great tragedy and great beauty. I know that this year I am going to try my best to be apart of the beauty, the recovery and the healing, I hope you all do too. Happy New Year 2010!

Love,

Irvina

When family members bring their loved ones to treatment for substance abuse and eating disorder issues, the hopeful anticipation is that at discharge, they will be ‘fixed’. Despite the fact that my magic wand holds a special place in my office, it seldom works the way family members want it to. Healing from substance abuse and eating disorder behaviors is a complex and complicated endeavor and requires more than simply work on the sufferer’s behalf. From my perspective, healing is a family affair revolving around the building of open and honest lines of communication. Getting to this point can be challenging and oftentimes the clinician has to overcome significant defenses inherent within the family system.

The goal of family healing is to subvert any notion of blame. Rather the intention is to move from self-absorption or self- flagellation to a place without guilt and shame – a place of openness focused on utilizing the past only for self-discovery and growth. The creation of substance abuse and eating disorder behaviors usually develops from multiple factors rather than one single cause. There is no need to expend time and energy on examining these factors ad infinitum. Most important is to begin with a willingness to create the open, honest lines of communication towards the development of new behaviors and discovery; a willingness to listen and tackle those issues in a significant enough way that allow for listening closely to the sufferer’s story.

There are many contributing factors to the rise of substance abuse and eating disorder behaviors. We live in a world where the media barrage of diet fads and obsessive attention to body image is excessive to say the least. We live in a world where family structures are dissipating which in turn leaves adolescents vulnerable to define their own acceptable sense of self. We live in a world where perfectionism is a common denominator between those who are born to believe they are capable and those who are not. Most importantly there are many exemplifying factors to consider such as stress, depression, socioeconomic positioning, and the list continues.

The most significant factor of all is that the identified sufferer gleans a new perspective on life as do those in the family system who come to the witness the metamorphosis. Oftentimes the metamorphosis is their very own.

The coolest thing happened to me this week I received an email from another woman in Overeaters Anonymous who is living outside the US, in an area where there are no OA meetings to attend. She reached out to me for support. What a rock star she is huh? We have been emailing a bit. The other day she asked me a great question, “What does your God look like and how did you find him/her/it?' I would love to hear about your Higher Power if you wouldn’t mind sharing!” I was taken back, by such a deep and profound question than many people new to Eating Disorder Treatment have. I wanted to take some time to think about it and share it with all of you too.

How did you find your higher power?

For me, my Higher Power is what I call “God.” I consider God the foundation for my recovery and my life. He’s like, I guess you would say, “The man of the house” (well, my house anyway.) I believe that I can’t change jobs, date this guy, not that guy, not eat dinner or eat a pint of ice cream and not return phone calls without consulting God, “The man of the house” first. I am an artist and by nature a very visual person. So I need to have a visual of what my God looks like and does, envisioning someone I share my life with and have to check in with works for me.

How did I find my Higher Power?
When I came into treatment for my eating disorder I did Step One of the 12 Steps which is “We admitted we were powerless over food and that our live had become unmanageable.” Which was completely true in my case, but you have to read my book for the details ;) My whole life including my food was one big terrifying mess and it was my management of my life that got me there. Doing Step1 helped me to do Step 2 which is, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Doing step 2 is a huge leap of faith for anyone. If you’re anything like me you tried to do everything in your power to stop your eating disorder yourself, you spent thousands of dollars on meds, doctors, dieticians and rehab, but when it came down to it the bridge between recovery and addiction was surrendering your life to God and BELIEVING that He could fix you. Sound a bit freaky? Yeah, I’m with you. It is freaky, but oddly…it works. Being humbled enough to say, “Show me a different way of thinking, being and living and show me how to do it.” Is a hard thing for someone with an addiction, but it also the most valuable tool needed to stop diseased behaviors.

What does it look like to have a Higher Power?
At first it’s very difficult to have a higher power. I found that I couldn’t do everything that I wanted, whenever I wanted and that was HARD! When I surrendered my whole life to God I surrender my meals, my time, my food, my faith, my friends, my family and my job to Him. My whole life is under His discretion. If I don’t want to eat a meal, I have to ask my Higher Power, “What should I do?” and my Higher Power usually says, “You need to nourish your body on a regular basis. Now lets go eat dinner.” If I’m dating a guy who I just feel awkward and stupid around, I ask God, “What do you think of him?” and God will say, “I think you deserve to be around someone who makes you shine.”God is the healthy and protective voice of self preservation that I wasn’t born with. He is a voice that I would be dead in a gutter without.

What is your Higher Power like?
My sponsor is a smart woman. She wanted to make sure I would be able to recognize Gods voice when He spoke, so she asked me to write and draw what my God is like. This is the God of my understating. My God….

1.) Thinks I am beautiful no matter what size I am.
2.) Never yells or gets angry with me. He is patient and kind to me.
3.) Thinks I am really funny and cute.
4.) Likes chocolate.
5.) Wears flip flops and kind of looks like a wise hippie.
6.) Is always really relaxed and calm and calms me down when I am overwhelmed.
7.) Wants me to marry a man who respects me and himself.
8.) Thinks I am smart and intelligent.
9.) Likes it when I help out other women suffering from Eating Disorders.
10.) Thinks all women are beautiful just the way they are.
11.) Listens to people share their stories and troubles.
12.) Stays in the moment.
13.) Wants me to use my talents for good.

For me, I wouldn’t have recovery if it wasn’t for my higher power. I do rely on a group of women when I feel anxious about food, I do consult a therapist when I am having trouble in life and I do journal and take care of myself, but none of that would be possible unless I had my higher power telling me to do those things. Before I was in recovery or had a Higher Power I did things according to my rules. It’s so much easier to follow God’s rules and live in God’s world. Because in God’s world, everyone is beautiful, everyone is smart and everyone is worthy of kindness and love no matter what their size. I prefer that world and that thinking over my own diseased thinking any day.

When I was active in my Eating Disorder the word "medium" was just about as bad as calling me F-A-T. Crazy, I know. But, for me I was only okay if I wore a "small" shirt or was able to soothe myself with seeing a "LARGE" A+ on an essay…. I lived to hear people say, "you are the smallest girl I’ve ever seen" or you are the "BIGGEST help I've ever had." To me, medium stood for mediocre, good, but not great, nice, but definitely not the best. The voice of my Eating Disorder always told me, “If you can’t win, then don’t play.” That thinking works for a while, but for me I found as time went on it became impossible to be the smallest and LARGEST at everything. It started to hurt my relationships. When I saw another girl getting praised for her small body I would hate her for taking my spot. When someone else was given praise for their generosity at church or creativity at work I became jealous and distant from them.

Nevertheless I found that my quest to be the small or be the BEST at something didn’t come from a genuine place of me using say my writing skills, my compassion or my love for children…my quest to be small and the best was simply an avenue for me to quiet the voice of my Eating Disorder, because I thought, “When I am small enough and the BIGGEST success that voice that tells me I’m a piece of crap will finally go away.”

I started to see just how neurotic the voice of my ED was after a conversation I had with my friend Jessica who does not have an Eating Disorder. She asked me why I looked so sad and I told her, “I’m worried about my writing. I’m worried that I spend so much time everyday trying to perfect my craft and what if I never publish one of my books? What if I don’t ever make it on the New York Times Best Seller List? What if I never sell my work?” With a puzzled expression Jessica asked me, “Why are you trying to be the best? I mean I love to paint. I’ll paint until the day I die. I don’t care if my art never gets hung at the Louvre or if children don’t read about me in 100 years. I paint because I love it. I know you love writing, why don’t you just do it and stop worrying about other people reading it and just enjoy your art?” I was shocked by her words, “Just do it for the sake of doing it? Not be the best? Is she crazy? I HAVE TO BE THE BEST!”

But as time has gone on, as life in recovery has settled in I have discovered that I am actually a lot happier when I am not striving so hard to be the best or the smallest. I am more authentic in my writing, I’m not starving trying to be so tiny and I am not spread thin among projects trying to be Super Woman. I may not get as many compliments or all the praise that I was used to, but I guess I don’t need as much because I give it to myself, I don’t look for it from others.

Learning to live life like a “medium” is difficult. You have to give things a lot more thought, like, “Is it really healthy to stay up until 3am writing?” “Do I really need to knit 50 scarves for my friends and family for Christmas?” “Do I really need to only eat a latte for lunch?” I’ll admit it is uncomfortable at times to be a medium. American society focuses on the best and the shiniest. I may not always be the center of the focus and the praise, but I know that I don’t need to be in the center to matter and feel loved.

Love ya'all!

Irvina

Eating Disorder Guilt During the Holidays by Camille Packer McConnell

The below is a guest entry from an Camille Packer McConnell. Camille is an expert on recovering from eating disorders.

Those who struggle with overeating feel more vulnerable than usual during the holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years festivities all center around friends, family, and food. With so many opportunities to overdo it, guilt is a common reaction. Anyone in recovery knows that guilt can be incredibly damaging, acting like a magnifying glass that exaggerates the negatives. Here is a strategy from my book, Stop Overeating Today! (available on Amazon), that teaches how to break free from the guilt cycle.
Take a Vacation from Your Guilt Trip

This tip applies best to all of you who battle regularly with overeating. You may feel that it is a battle you will never win and that you lack the willpower to change.

When I was recovering from my eating disorder, I found that beating myself up and feeling guilty was not an effective way to make a positive change.
Framing Setbacks in the Recovery Process


I remember one particular Thanksgiving. I was determined to stop eating before I felt full. I wanted to treat Thanksgiving like it was any other meal and not an excuse for overindulgence. As careful as I tried to be, I slipped and ended up eating too much.

At first, I felt very disappointed in myself. I had made so much progress in the former two months, only to “relapse” again. It felt like a defeat. As I sat there marinating in self-loathing, a light bulb went on over my head. I needed to stop feeling terrible and put things into perspective. Had I made a mistake? Yes. Did I regret it? Yes. Did I want to put myself through more self-loathing? No. Did my mistake determine my future? No. Could I move on? Yes. You get the idea.

It’s like I had taken the magnifying glass off of my mistake and was able to see it as a one-time event, not as a pattern of never-ending mistakes. I was able to look back at all of the progress I had made, the hard work I had done, and how far I had come. So what if I messed up once? I could call it a learning experience and move on. No need to hit myself over the head again and again.
Chronic guilt is not an effective way to grow and change. It keeps you focused on the problem. When the focus is on your weaknesses and mistakes, it keeps you from visualizing how you can change and what you can do to solve your problem.
Guilt is consuming and saps your energy. Moreover, it keeps you from remembering what strengths you do have and what progress you have made. Guilt keeps you stuck in a cycle of helplessness. Even if you have taken one step back, take two steps forward and acknowledge you are moving in the right direction.

- Camille Packer McConnell

Stop Overeating Today

 The time that the patient is cancer free is called “remission”. However, all cancer patients have been told that the growth could come back at any time; it’s kind of the luck of the draw. Eating Disorders are very much like cancer in the way that someone with an Eating Disorder can go inpatient, have extensive therapy and eat healthy balanced meals for 365 days straight, but at any time the Eating Disorder behaviors could flare up and relapse could happen. Eating Disorder Behaviors can take over the body out of nowhere, just like cancer.

Eating Disorders are Like Cancer

The only way that it has been proven to keep women abstaining from their Eating Disorder behaviors is through weekly support groups like Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous and ANAD. Just like a cancer patient who would weekly try to exercise, eat right and remove stress from their life an Eating Disordered woman in recovery has to not only exercise, eat right and remove stress, but she also must…

· Work with a Sponsor to keep her accountable


· Maintain a support group of women that she trusts and is close to, to lean on for guidance when she struggles with food or the stress of life.


· Be of service to a women who has less recovery than her so she can cultivate an attitude of empathy and altruism


· Attend weekly recovery meetings so she can share her stress and struggles


· Periodically visit a therapist to keep her honest with herself and focused on recovery

In my time in recovery and working in the Eating Disorder field I have met quite a few clients, parents and spouses who think that 90 days of intensive Eating Disorder in-patient treatment should do the trick. That all it takes is for their daughter or wife to just “learn how to eat” or “get that dark cloud away from her” and then she’ll be fine. I wish I could share with those loving family members how many women I see return to the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous and Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous after they had 5 or 10 years of recovery and just stopped participating in their recovery. They thought they could do it on their own and that they didn’t need to attend meeting or work with a sponsor to keep their behaviors in check. They were “cured.” Many, many, many women return to the rooms of OA and ABA in tears saying, “I thought it was gone.” “I thought I was cured.” “Why is it back?”

In all honesty, I was not a fan of the idea that I would need to make my recovery my top priority for the rest of my life. I said, “I don’t want some Sponsor telling me what to do and I have enough supportive friends, thank you very much.” But after a year of stomping my feet against the process I found that the people with the healthiest lives, with the smiles on their faces who actually liked themselves were the people who were dedicated to daily recovery.

Today, I know that my Eating Disorder if very much like cancer if not worse. I say that not to put cancer patients down in anyway, but just that I think in society if a cancer patient says, “My cancer came back” Most people think “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry.” Where when someone with an Eating Disorder relapses people tend to think, “Well what did YOU do wrong.” I know that there is a whole world out there of diets, detoxes, ads of under weight models; skinny celebrities and accepted eating disordered behaviors. I know that if I don’t keep my mind focused on recovery I can very easily be sucked back into a disease that will invade my whole body like cancer.

Recovery is a ton of work, but it is worth it to be Eating Disorder free and when we are Eating Disorder free we can help another woman struggling to join us as well.

Happy Recovery and Healing,

Irvina