Eating Disorders Recovery Blog

Sunday nights are my favorites at The Victorian...where else can you meet up with amazing women, do a book study and/or get group therapy from a professional in the field of Eating Disorders? Hello...Jackpot! And the jackpot it is this weekend cause we are having the lovely Dr. Roxanee Cherry PhD coming to do Guided Meditation and Art Therapy with our women, Alumni, friends and friends of friends-sisters-baristas- dog-sitter! Our motto is "The more the women IN- the more the Eating Disorder - OUT!" So mark your calendar:

Meditation and Art Therapy at
The Victorian
505 29th Street
Newport Beach, CA 92660
7pm to 8pm

*To learn more about Dr.Cherry and her practice please click here.
Otherwise...see you on Sunday!

xoxo
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Art Therapy for Eating Disorders, Bulimia treatment, Compulsive Overeating Treatment, Eating Disorder Blog, Eating Disorder Treatment, Meditation for Eating Disorders

Happy Monday beauties! Last night we kicked off a great Book Study at the Victorian Recovery Rocks Meeting. We just started reading Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds From Now by Jessica Weiner. The meeting runs for an hour. We read for the first half hour, then reflected as a group on the reading for the last half hour. The thoughts from the women were a unanymous, "This book is AMAZING!" and "My Eating Disorder is evil." In the book Weiner highlights how utterly bizarre it is how much easier it is for a woman to say, "I'm Fat" rather than, "I'm lonely." It's also more acceptable for a woman to say, "I'm on a diet" rather than "I need time to take care of myself." Weiner points out the taboo's and ruffles the feathers of deciet. We are all so stoked to get back to this book in the weeks to come!

I actually went online and found some more info on Jessica Weiner. If you want to get involved in advocacy for Eating Disorder recovery her site is a great place to start, check it out: http://www.jessweiner.com/

Have a great day!

xoxo
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, books on Eating Disorders, Bulimia, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Blog, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Treatment, Life Doesn't Begin 5 pounds from Now

Here’s a look at what Anorexic days look like…waking up to hunger pains which are numbed with appetite suppressants…. The ritual weighing in “How fat I am” happens right out of bed and periodically through out the day. Then there is a spin class at 5am followed by pinching her belly and arms after class to see how much more fat is still there…. Eating half an apple to calm the hunger and drinking 2 Venti Coffees with Splenda to fill up the stomach and give the appearance of energy. More complicated than dodging hunger pains is dodging “People”. They can be an obstacle with their invitations for lunch and offering a slice of a co –workers birthday cake…they just get in the way! For lunch she eats half a power bar for energy….making sure no one will see her eat it thinking that they will think shes “fat” for eating it. The rest of the day, she will research diets, calculate the calories in everything she has eaten since breakfast and order a 21 day detox program on –line…And that’s all before noon.

But, this Anorexic existence can only last for so long, until, the house of cards comes crashing down. Within the Eating Disorder recovery community we call this “The flip of the coin” where the Anorexic gets so nutrient deprived that she has lets say just one bite of ice cream….all of the sudden out of no where the full time Anorexic does a 180 and now instead of constantly focusing on staying away from food, she is now focused on getting as much food as she can and starts bingeing. Cyclically this can lead to purging behaviors like bulimia and laxatives. Like Alcoholism, Eating Disorders are progressive in nature. Try and think of the Alcoholic who drank all weekend, then just at night, then all week, then it lead to prescription pills and then to cocaine. Now, this person isn't just an embarassing "bar drunk" she's an Alcholic and a drug addict. But, it didn’t happen over night, it was progressive.

What many Anorexics and their parents don’t understand is how the behaviors of different eating disorders feed off of each other. To re-cap: Anorexia causes binging and compulsive overeating which then turns into purging. Now, just because a woman binges doesn’t mean that her “Anorexic phase” is over. Her binging will cause her to gain weight and then her Anorexic flag will go up and she starves again. The starving leads again to binging which then leads to purging and of course shame which takes us back to square one of the Anorexic thinking, “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to eat.” As well, now this woman isn’t just working full-time as an Anorexic, but she is now a slave for 3 eating disorders…Anorexia, Binging/Compulsive Overeating and Bulimia all compiled are more time consuming and mentally draining than you could ever imagine.

I know so many women who wish someone would have offered them help at the anorexic stage. In my own words I have said, “had someone told me how painful Compulsive Overeating was, I would have eaten those damn carbs as an Anorexic.” If you or someone you know has Anorexia, believe me, recovery is the hardest thing to do, but RECOVERY gets easier….ANOREXIA only gets worse and only lasts so long, until it turns into another Eating Disorder or death.

Xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Bulimia treatment, Compulsive Overeating Treatment, Eating Disorder Treatment, Rehab for Eating Disorders, Rehabs for Eating Disorders

Just this past week The Victorian Recovery Rocks – Alumni Group had, Lindsay Elliot PsYD, MFT come and be a guest speaker at our Sunday night meeting here at the Victorian House. Dr.Elliot chose to speak to the women about staying present and how that affects their recovery. She started by point blank asking the woman, “Who doesn’t want to be here?” Three raised their hands, Dr.Elliott then spoke to each one and asked them, “What would you rather be doing?” she then went on to ask them, “How does wanting to be somewhere else affect what you are doing now?” The point of this exercise was to have those women observe their thoughts of feelings.


This detachment from their feelings makes it easier to engage in harmful eating disorder behaviors because they have no thought connection to the binging and starving. They think, I want to be thin…don’t eat…exercise…don’t eat…exercise…” They never get the opportunity to pause and say, “Hey what is going on in this moment in my life. WHY do I want to be thin?” Eventually clients find that the lack of food or excess means something greater than their feeling at the moment.

After living in the NOW is used daily to combat eating disorder thoughts in can also be used to help clients discover who they really are. Many clients come in to Eating Disorder treatment and discover that they are a completely different person than they thought they were. Sometimes they have a new favorite color or favorite band, some even dabble with the thought of a new occupation. It’s the act of being still, listening to their inner dialogue that they are able to discover themselves and heal.

Staying in the NOW allows an Eating Disorder patient to be mindful of her feelings. To center herself and find what kind of role she want to play in the world she lives in.

xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Bulimia treatment, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Help, Eating Disorder Treatment

“Have you no self control?” People suffering from Eating Disorders have heard this question literally a thousand times from a concerned parent, spouse or friend. Often times it is said after a binge on a box of cookies, a carton of ice cream or a box of donuts. The sad truth is “No. We don’t have self control.” Like Alcoholism an Eating Disorder is a disease of the mind and Impulse Control Disorder goes hand in hand with Anorexia, Bulimia and Compulsive Overeating. An Impulse Control Disorder is defined as: A psychological disorders characterized by the repeated inability to refrain from performing a particular action that is harmful either to oneself or others.
Causes of Impulse Control disorder are thought to come from 4 possible areas.

1.) Traumatic Brain Injury – Particularly true when the damage has been done to the frontal cortex area. (Jentsch & Taylor, 1999.)

2.) Substance Abuse – Research shows that those who abuse multiple substances show more impulsive behavior than those who abuse single substances. (O’Boyle & Baratt, 1993).

3.) Major Mental Disorders - Often associated with impulsivity while the individual is in a psychotic state. This is particularly true of Bipolar Disorder where the impulsive behavior is most often associated with the manic phase.

4.) Personality Disorders - Primarily borderline, anti-social, narcissistic, and histrionic. Impulsivity in the form of risk-tasking behaviors, sexual promiscuity, gestures and threats of self-harm and other attention-seeking behaviors.

“So what is the treatment for someone with Impulse Control Disorder AND an Eating Disorder?” I’m so glad you asked! … At The Victorian the program is structured to battle Eating Disorders from 3 angles. Mental, Physical and Spiritual. Here is how we do it.

1.) MENTAL - Therapy – We teach our clients the life long tool of how to be their own therapist. Our therapist don’t preach they challenge the clients ….“Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now before I do this impulsive act? Now, play it through…what am I going to do, how am I going to do it and how will I feel afterward?” Through therapy we give clients tools to take care of themselves and eventually heal.

2.) PHYSICAL - Medication – Within the first few days of arrival at The Victorian an appointment is set up with a trusted and outstanding Psychiatrist who assesses the client and prescribes medication if needed.

3.) SPIRITUAL - Supportive Living Environment – When it comes to Eating Disorders and Impulse Control Disorder, recovery is a life long process. It starts with the individual being held accountable for their actions by staff. At The Victorian we don’t lock the cupboards or kitchen and we allow clients to prepare their own food with staff present. The only job of the client is to be honest, to ask for support when their impulses feel out of control and to speak up when their ED (Eating Disorder) is chattering eating disordered thoughts to them. Together staff and client can battle this disease together.

I hope this answered some of your questions about Impulse Control Disorder and Eating Disorders! Have a great weekend and Happy Recovery! Xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment, Impulse control, OCD, Self Control

Eating Disorders are not a disease of vanity, self absorbtion or an aversion to food, they are a disease of the mind. For a person without an Eating Disorder addiction it is normal to have some feelings of insecurity when "Keeping up with Jones'" It's the human condition to look around and ask, "Where do I measure up?" "Where can I improve?" But, for a woman or man with an Eating Disorder the question isn't "Where do I measure up?" It's "Am I the BEST?" If we are not the BEST, we honestly, hate ourselves and we cope with putting the focus and attention on our bodies.

Research has proven that women with Anorexia Nervosa have IQ scores between 120 and 140 (Thats pretty stinkin' high) Obviously it is in the genetic disposition of these clients to be naturally high achievers. The goal in Eating Disorder treatment is to take that drive for perfection and channel it into a healthy avenue that looks like a "Perfectly Imperfect Life." Now, to you, maybe you're a parent or a concerned loved one you think, "Well duh. Life isn't perfect. That sounds simple. I'll teach my girl that myself." If that's your stance then I have two words for you: "Good Luck." I have worked in the Eating Disorder field for about 2 years now and I have experienced an ED myself. If there is something I know about "us" it's that this relinquishing of perfection and constant comparing takes a lifetime of recovery work.

At the Victorian we talk about being the best "Phoebe, Chloe, Liz and Irvina you can be." Doing our personal best each day and being patient with ourselves. More times than not this new way of thinking sounds repulsive to clients, I remember one client insisting, "NO! I have to be the BEST! I won't settle for the best me! I want to be THE BEST!" As she broke down in sobs.

As a woman in recovery, the thing that I have to remember about being the "BEST" is that because I have a voice in my head called "ED" my best will never be good enough. Once I accomplish straight A's, I'll be told "Anyone can do that. Wheres your 7 figure job?" Once I have the job I'll be told, "Everyone can make money. Wheres your husband?" Then I'll have him and I'll be told, "He's not much....she has a better husband...you should get a new one." The comparing, the achieving, the having never lets up with an ED. Thats why it takes a lifetime of recovery, meetings, a support group of friends who understand and periodic therapy.

I think that because Eating Disorders are so taboo in the media and not many people know that they are indeed an addiction, it seems as if a woman should just learn to "eat again and move on with her life." Hmmm...the women I know who have done that have come back after 8 years asking for help again because they thought the bulimia and starvation was gone. This disease is stuck in between the crevices and the corners of our brain. It's always waiting to pounce on us and take us down and kill us, like drugs and alcohol. That is the nature of the disease to kill us. I'm not trying to sound dark and dramatic, I guess I'm just trying to relate how something as simple as the act of comparing my body to your body can send me into a tail spin. That if I let myself look at how awesome your job and boyfriend are and then look at my single self I might come up short and then want to starve over my feelings of insecurity. So whats the solution? 1.) Meetings: Where I can say, "Hey I think I suck cause she looks cute in that dress. Is that normal?" 2.) A new way of thinking: Remembering that I am on my path and you are on yours. Sometimes I'll be in a sunnier spot and sometimes you will be, but it's my job to focus on my path, not yours.

I pray that whoever you are who is reading this blog that you learn to not compare yourself to others. That you appreciate yourself and explore your uniqueness and gifts and utilize them to the best of YOUR ability.

Much love,

Irvina

Labels: Anorexia is deadly, Bulimia, California Rehab, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery

Valentines Day is coming…. And though the moans and sighs of Victorian clients fill the house, there is some wisdom amongst the women without a partner to share the lovers holiday with. I have seen the women rally around each other and finding the positive side of being in Eating Disorder treatment over the holiday. Many note that being in treatment will make them a better wife, girlfriend and mother in the long run. Treatment allows them the opportunity to love deeper and better.

As I hear the women talk I am reminded of an old adage, “Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself.” The first time I heard this was when I was about 17. These words sounded like a foreign language to me. I envisioned myself on a football field, all suited up and ready to play, but before I could even step on the field the referee stopped me before I ever touched the sidelines with the prerequisite, “You must love yourself first, BEFORE you can step on the field and play.” Up until that point I had always believed that love was an open game for anyone to play, that is anyone who had the “courage” to play.

Since the first time I have heard this saying about loving yourself first, I have learned that courage definitely is necessary to love, but the courage must be rooted in a deep love to love yourself through thick and thin. The best way I can paint this picture is with a high school. All high school teenagers go through a phase of insecurity, self doubt and confusion. While they are trying to figure out where they belong amongst cheerleaders and the artsy crew, they cling to their close friends for reassurance and praise that they do in deed have a place to belong. I’m sure all of us remember “cliques” in high school. Not loving yourself first is like being a hormonal teenager in a clique. You cling to a group or best friend to validate you, define you and give you purpose. Eventually though we all learn that our best friends are flawed too. That just because they are in our clique doesn’t make them infalliable. This realization that our clique isn't perfect sends us into a tail spin, that we aren't safe in the world any longer.

The truth is when you love yourself you can step out of a clique and say, “Wow, I’m not as loud as a cheerleader. I’m not as deep as the drama kids. I’m not as charismatic as the ASB president. In honesty, I’m a talented individual who can make great tea pots with clay, I’m an average student, but I’m a kind person and I’m a great friend and I draw well with pastels. And now that I see that I am not perfect I can also see that other people aren’t perfect. I can see where I have a temper, insecurity and fear and I still love myself for that. I don’t need anyone’s validation that I am smart or pretty enough, because I know that I am just fine where I am. When we get to this spot of accepting ourselves and not clinging to anything or anyone to keep us safe we can freely and openly love people. We can see our partners for their weaknesses and flaws and say, I know you’re not perfect and I know I’m not perfect, but I still love you and I still love me.

In all honesty I think it’s actually harder to love yourself than to love another person. Because at the end of the day we know our flaws. We know where we are ignorant, rude and inconsiderate. The hard thing is to be able to look at ourselves honestly and say, “I know you’re not perfect and I still LOVE you.” When we can do that for ourselves we can honestly and sincerely grow close to other people. We can see where they are not perfect and instead of being disappointed or critical of them we can instead relate to that imperfection and in turn say, “I know you’re not perfect, but I still LOVE you.”

Happy Valentines to all! May you love much and well this year and may you most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
 
xoxo,
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment