Eating Disorders Recovery Blog

I am so honored to share the following Recovery Testimonial by Victorian Alumni, Christina Duncan Collins. Christina left the Victorian House about a month ago. Having worked with her during her recovery makes this story so valuable to me. To hear Christina talk about what her life used to be like and what it's like now can only be summed up as miraculous and magical.



instead of getting to my classes. The overwhelming degradation that never ceased to
exist, seemed to always land me in another secret, another lie, another trip to the liquor
store; the shame coincided with the deep depression Iʼd foregone addressing over the
years, and somewhere along the line Iʼd seemed to have accepted that there was no
longer a way out of the deep seeded hole of this eating disorder that I didnʼt even acknowledge
anymore; my pained existence had become a form of warped normalcy.

Before I came to treatment, I recall feeling helpless, pathetic, depressed, guilty, ashamed,
humiliated, desolate, vacant, numb, and I am most certain that the light in my eyes had
been gone for quite some time.

Iʼd reached the end of the line, my lowest of lows; it didnʼt seem that my life could have
gone to shit any more than if someone was trying to singlehandedly destroy it; I had already
done that with no one else to blame but myself. In variant forms of self sabotage,
Iʼd wreaked havoc so thoroughly into my life and my own sense of being, that Iʼd become
far too sick--body, mind, and spirit--to come out of this repulsively base, melancholy
tenebrosity; I was blind, sick, weak, and I knew I needed help. I never wanted to
die, though Iʼd come close several times, hospital wristbands kept as reminders; I luckily
always managed to hold on to that little bit of hope we all look to in times of need.

As my substance abuse issues had functioned primarily as tools for my eating disordered
way of life, I found the black and white nature of sobriety much easier to handle; it
was almost a relief to be sleeping restlessly or not at all for that first month, anything not
to feel continuously anymore like I was dying before nodding off. The eating disorder, on
the other hand, had become a masochistic means of coping that, despite all reason,
had given me a sense of safety, what I learnedly turned to at the young age of six, as
my eating went from odd to restrictive to fucking abnormal; by the age of seven, eating
was no longer a necessity, but rather an outlet for me to manifest my need of power,
control, beauty, love, and validation that was never received as a child.

I came to treatment, went straight to detox for the night, had purged all day even when
itʼd come down to stomach acids & bile, and decided my day 1 of recovery would begin
as soon as I arrived at The Victorian. I think I had initially expected to be staying in a
place where I wouldnʼt be able to act on any of my eating disorder behaviors, that staff
would magically know when I threw up or when I was lying; in other words, I thought Iʼd
been sent to a place where I wouldnʼt have to be working wholeheartedly for my recovery,
that the staff would be crutches to hold me up. I was acting out in my eating disorder
for the first month of treatment, with the mindset that I was helping myself the way I
“needed” and kept the majority of it a secret, only divulging brief nuances of strife; truth
be told, I was struggling so immensely, that I could share maybe a quarter of my contention
and sound like I was telling the full truth, little bits being so thoroughly entwined in
ugly details and misery.

After finally coming to the realization of choice, that Iʼd chosen to get the help I needed
and was still keeping secrets in the belief that I knew what was best--which had overtly
failed in past trials--that I was still very sick and if I didnʼt let it be known the garishness
of my disease, Iʼd leave 90 days later with the same issues to settle; I was choosing to
let my chance of recovery from my eating disorder dissipate and diminish day after day.
I made a vow to tell the whole truth, when I wanted to purge, when I was struggling to
eat, when I was obsessing about exercise and calories, when I wanted to sneak into the
kitchen to binge & purge, when Iʼd given in to the repulsive voices in my head & sneak
off to the bathroom to throw up. I remember new girls arriving at The Victorian a month
or more after me, picking up chips of abstinence, and feeling embarrassed for having
been in treatment for twice as long and not being able to say the same if not more about
my progress.

Just after Christmas and into the new year, I was struggling immensely; after gaining
just over 10 days of abstinence, the longest Iʼd had in nine years, I relapsed, and there
were days I claimed myself sick, sleeping through days and only seeing the light of day
to smoke a cigarette. The word “choice” stuck out to me yet again; essentially, my recovery
was dependent on the choices I decided for myself, and just because I was in
treatment didnʼt mean Iʼd come out cured, healthy, happy, or even abstinent; I knew I
didnʼt want my disease, and the program showed me that I no longer had to suffer, mulling
the bane of my diseaseʼs existence, so I made a second vow to get on my feet again
and continue the work despite all contrary thoughts in knowing my health had yet to be
regained.

 However, the next day was treatment team, and staff had assessed that I
needed to be moved to a higher level of care to get some time not purging, to be
watched around the clock. I understood each concern, but remained distraught in that
Iʼd finally been getting real and honest with myself; my determination to overcome the
past obstacles and following hurdles led me to take a stand for myself, and I signed yet
another behavioral contract to resume my treatment at The Victorian, not going down
without a fight of course. I stayed true to what Iʼd signed, knowing wholeheartedly from
the start that I would in fact prove everyone wrong; my head and my heart were finally
on the same page.

It took me a long while to realize that I was at The Victorian so they could teach me how
to walk again; essentially, it wasnʼt going to help me if everyone was just trying to hold
me up to keep me from falling down; I needed to be re-taught, re-trained, and that light
in me had to be rejuvenated. I learned that Iʼm not automatically a burden, I can ask for
help when I need it, that my voice is amazing, and paramountly that I am beautiful. The
tools I acquired in treatment allowed me to take back my life, and really begin living it
again. I still live by my Socratian oath to “always question authority,” but I know to no
longer bend it to extremes of overriding my own principles and values that Iʼd seemingly
discarded of long ago.

Exactly 153 days after my intake date at The Victorian of Newport Beach, I can definitely
say that light is back, and what a long strange trip itʼs been. Not to say every day isnʼt a
struggle, because it certainly is, but the difference is the rejuvenation Iʼve gained
throughout my entire treatment process--mind, body, and spirit--thatʼs given me the
freedom in my life that I felt so far from before. Itʼs been countless years since Iʼve been
able to feel, sit with my feelings, be present, equate my life to opportunities and happiness
rather than doom, and simply feel like myself again.

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment

So when I am not writing this fabulous Eating Disorder Recovery blog and facilitating meeting at The Victorian I work at an Art School, teaching art to kids ages 3 to 18. Since a lot of the parents know that I work in the Eating Disorder field they like to double check with me that the way they are raising their daughter is kosher and she will end up "Eating Disorder Free".

As much as I would love to tell them the exact way to parent their child to avoid an Eating Disorder that is impossible. Eating Disorders have been proven to be a psychological disease and genetically predisposed from birth. However, the environment the child is raised in can have an affect on the severity of the Eating Disorder. Thus, the questions from my students parents flood in. One I got last week was very interesting to me. One mother asked me, "I tell my 2 year old she is 'so beautiful' probably 15 times a day. That's okay right?"

I think this is a great question and the answer is Yes and No. Yes, in that every child does build self esteem knowing that their parents think they are beautiful and attractive. Esspecially at the age of 2 a child considers a parents words to be gospel, telling a child they are beautiful is a positive thing because it builds their sense of self in a positive direction.

Where this can go wrong is if the parent doesn't give equal importance of being beautiful to being smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, a good friend or friendly. Children need to learn that besides their beauty they have worth in multiple other areas as a human being.

I would encourage parents that for every time you tell your child, "You are beautiful" you also look for opportunities to tell them, "You are so kind. I love being around you!"

Have a great week!
Love, Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Treatment

What really gets my blood boiling is how sneaky Eating Disorders are. I can best describe them as the "Perfect Murder" Take Brittany Murphy and Michael Jackson for instance...both talented individuals in their field of acting and music. The Eating Disorder makes its sneaky "entrance" or what we call in the field "is triggerered" with the demands to stay beatiful and attractive.

After the sneaky murderer is present it corners it's victim with threats of making them fat if they don't do exactly what it says and starve. In the field we call this the "presence" of the Eating Disorder voice.

In an effort to escape from the murderer, the Eating Disorder victim turns to drugs and alcohol to at least give themselves some short escape from the miserable existence they have found themselves in. This escape is what we call "cross addicition" the Eating Disorder victim shuts the ED voice off with other substances. In the process there is still no long term reprieve from the  Eating Disorder so they increase their use of alcohol and drugs.

After time the threshold for this pain becomes so shallow that the Eating Disorder victim takes as much drugs and alcohol that they possibly can that allows them to still survive. This is where the Eating Disorder takes the victim out and kills them. Using an overdose on drugs is the easiest way to kill it's victim because it leaves the Eating Disorder blamelsess. When  the coroner comes and analyzes the body they find the cause of death to be a "heart attack" or a "seizure" but, they never claim that the root was the murdering Eating Disorder because the Eating Disorder is too smart for that. All along it plotted to get its vicitm into this drug addiction, fully knowing that it could get off scotch free for the murder and go off and attack someone else in the same way. Eating Disorders are truly genius, murdering, psychopaths that are the best at what they do.

I came up with this "Perfect Murder" theory after I repeatedly saw celebrities die and hear so many news broadcasters tell the public, "Britney Murphy died of Cardiac Arrest" "Michael Jackson's heart stopped." "It was an overdose" or "It was just a freak accident." Having worked in the field it doesn't take a genius to know that these two individuals suffered from Eating Disorders. Just looking at their weight at the time of their deaths shows that their Body Mass Index was well below even a thin healthy weight. As well as the stories and speculation around each ones body image. Michael Jackson with the constant plasitc surgery and Britney Murphy with rapid weight loss show evidence that each one was unhappy with their appearance.

I write this article today just to simply get the truth out and stop all the "Hush, Hush." Eating Disorders thrive on secrets. The more we expose this merciless murderer the closer we are to catching him!

Love,

Irvina

Labels: Anorexia is deadly, Anorexic Britney Murphy, Anorexic Michael Jackson, Bulimia treatment, Celebrities with Eating Disorders, Compulsive Overeating Treatment, Eating Disorder Treatment

Happy Friday All! I just wanted to let everyone know that there is a fabulous and FREE Eating Disorder Resource Group in Newport Beach. It is for anyone that may suspect that someone they love may have an eating disorder. It is facilitated by therapist, specialist and dieticians once a month. I would reccomend it to anyone who wants to learn more about Eating Disorders, how to go about getting help or even just networking withing the field. Some very gifted individuals attend this group. If you would like to attend see the info below. Have a great weekend! - Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Therapy, Eating Disorder Treatment

The time has come again! Another amazing therapist in the Eating Disorder field will be faciliting a meeting at The Victorian House this Sunday!
Chandra Chalkin will be discussing the Psychology of Women and doing some Movement Therapy. To learn more about Chandra Chalkin and her services visit her website here. Otherwise I look forward to seeing your beautiful self:
Sunday, March 28th
7pm - 8pm
The Victorian 505 29th Street
Newport Beach, CA 92663

Ciao Bellas!
 Irvina

Labels: Anorexia information, Anorexia rehab, Bulimia treatment, Compulsive Overeating Treatment, Eating Disorder Meetings in Newport Beach, Eating Disorder Treatment

A wider understanding of Eating Disorders has sky rocketed in recent years. Much of the credit goes to organizations like http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ They sponsor advertisements in magazines for recovery, they offer support for Eating Disorder suffererers and their parents AND they host the National Eating Disoarder Awareness week each Spring! Heck Yeah!

 This year all 50 of the United States and over 20 different countries came together and hosted speaking panels from Eating Disorder survivors, Fundraisers for treatment, Awareness booths on college campuses and Candle Light Vigils for those we have lost from this disease. Check out the pictures from the site by clicking here. It is truly inspiring to see people rallying together to work for change for all women! xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Bulimia treatment, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Blog, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment

Sunday nights are my favorites at The Victorian...where else can you meet up with amazing women, do a book study and/or get group therapy from a professional in the field of Eating Disorders? Hello...Jackpot! And the jackpot it is this weekend cause we are having the lovely Dr. Roxanee Cherry PhD coming to do Guided Meditation and Art Therapy with our women, Alumni, friends and friends of friends-sisters-baristas- dog-sitter! Our motto is "The more the women IN- the more the Eating Disorder - OUT!" So mark your calendar:

Meditation and Art Therapy at
The Victorian
505 29th Street
Newport Beach, CA 92660
7pm to 8pm

*To learn more about Dr.Cherry and her practice please click here.
Otherwise...see you on Sunday!

xoxo
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Art Therapy for Eating Disorders, Bulimia treatment, Compulsive Overeating Treatment, Eating Disorder Blog, Eating Disorder Treatment, Meditation for Eating Disorders

Happy Monday beauties! Last night we kicked off a great Book Study at the Victorian Recovery Rocks Meeting. We just started reading Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds From Now by Jessica Weiner. The meeting runs for an hour. We read for the first half hour, then reflected as a group on the reading for the last half hour. The thoughts from the women were a unanymous, "This book is AMAZING!" and "My Eating Disorder is evil." In the book Weiner highlights how utterly bizarre it is how much easier it is for a woman to say, "I'm Fat" rather than, "I'm lonely." It's also more acceptable for a woman to say, "I'm on a diet" rather than "I need time to take care of myself." Weiner points out the taboo's and ruffles the feathers of deciet. We are all so stoked to get back to this book in the weeks to come!

I actually went online and found some more info on Jessica Weiner. If you want to get involved in advocacy for Eating Disorder recovery her site is a great place to start, check it out: http://www.jessweiner.com/

Have a great day!

xoxo
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, books on Eating Disorders, Bulimia, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Blog, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Treatment, Life Doesn't Begin 5 pounds from Now

Here’s a look at what Anorexic days look like…waking up to hunger pains which are numbed with appetite suppressants…. The ritual weighing in “How fat I am” happens right out of bed and periodically through out the day. Then there is a spin class at 5am followed by pinching her belly and arms after class to see how much more fat is still there…. Eating half an apple to calm the hunger and drinking 2 Venti Coffees with Splenda to fill up the stomach and give the appearance of energy. More complicated than dodging hunger pains is dodging “People”. They can be an obstacle with their invitations for lunch and offering a slice of a co –workers birthday cake…they just get in the way! For lunch she eats half a power bar for energy….making sure no one will see her eat it thinking that they will think shes “fat” for eating it. The rest of the day, she will research diets, calculate the calories in everything she has eaten since breakfast and order a 21 day detox program on –line…And that’s all before noon.

But, this Anorexic existence can only last for so long, until, the house of cards comes crashing down. Within the Eating Disorder recovery community we call this “The flip of the coin” where the Anorexic gets so nutrient deprived that she has lets say just one bite of ice cream….all of the sudden out of no where the full time Anorexic does a 180 and now instead of constantly focusing on staying away from food, she is now focused on getting as much food as she can and starts bingeing. Cyclically this can lead to purging behaviors like bulimia and laxatives. Like Alcoholism, Eating Disorders are progressive in nature. Try and think of the Alcoholic who drank all weekend, then just at night, then all week, then it lead to prescription pills and then to cocaine. Now, this person isn't just an embarassing "bar drunk" she's an Alcholic and a drug addict. But, it didn’t happen over night, it was progressive.

What many Anorexics and their parents don’t understand is how the behaviors of different eating disorders feed off of each other. To re-cap: Anorexia causes binging and compulsive overeating which then turns into purging. Now, just because a woman binges doesn’t mean that her “Anorexic phase” is over. Her binging will cause her to gain weight and then her Anorexic flag will go up and she starves again. The starving leads again to binging which then leads to purging and of course shame which takes us back to square one of the Anorexic thinking, “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to eat.” As well, now this woman isn’t just working full-time as an Anorexic, but she is now a slave for 3 eating disorders…Anorexia, Binging/Compulsive Overeating and Bulimia all compiled are more time consuming and mentally draining than you could ever imagine.

I know so many women who wish someone would have offered them help at the anorexic stage. In my own words I have said, “had someone told me how painful Compulsive Overeating was, I would have eaten those damn carbs as an Anorexic.” If you or someone you know has Anorexia, believe me, recovery is the hardest thing to do, but RECOVERY gets easier….ANOREXIA only gets worse and only lasts so long, until it turns into another Eating Disorder or death.

Xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Bulimia treatment, Compulsive Overeating Treatment, Eating Disorder Treatment, Rehab for Eating Disorders, Rehabs for Eating Disorders

Just this past week The Victorian Recovery Rocks – Alumni Group had, Lindsay Elliot PsYD, MFT come and be a guest speaker at our Sunday night meeting here at the Victorian House. Dr.Elliot chose to speak to the women about staying present and how that affects their recovery. She started by point blank asking the woman, “Who doesn’t want to be here?” Three raised their hands, Dr.Elliott then spoke to each one and asked them, “What would you rather be doing?” she then went on to ask them, “How does wanting to be somewhere else affect what you are doing now?” The point of this exercise was to have those women observe their thoughts of feelings.


This detachment from their feelings makes it easier to engage in harmful eating disorder behaviors because they have no thought connection to the binging and starving. They think, I want to be thin…don’t eat…exercise…don’t eat…exercise…” They never get the opportunity to pause and say, “Hey what is going on in this moment in my life. WHY do I want to be thin?” Eventually clients find that the lack of food or excess means something greater than their feeling at the moment.

After living in the NOW is used daily to combat eating disorder thoughts in can also be used to help clients discover who they really are. Many clients come in to Eating Disorder treatment and discover that they are a completely different person than they thought they were. Sometimes they have a new favorite color or favorite band, some even dabble with the thought of a new occupation. It’s the act of being still, listening to their inner dialogue that they are able to discover themselves and heal.

Staying in the NOW allows an Eating Disorder patient to be mindful of her feelings. To center herself and find what kind of role she want to play in the world she lives in.

xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Bulimia treatment, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Help, Eating Disorder Treatment

“Have you no self control?” People suffering from Eating Disorders have heard this question literally a thousand times from a concerned parent, spouse or friend. Often times it is said after a binge on a box of cookies, a carton of ice cream or a box of donuts. The sad truth is “No. We don’t have self control.” Like Alcoholism an Eating Disorder is a disease of the mind and Impulse Control Disorder goes hand in hand with Anorexia, Bulimia and Compulsive Overeating. An Impulse Control Disorder is defined as: A psychological disorders characterized by the repeated inability to refrain from performing a particular action that is harmful either to oneself or others.
Causes of Impulse Control disorder are thought to come from 4 possible areas.

1.) Traumatic Brain Injury – Particularly true when the damage has been done to the frontal cortex area. (Jentsch & Taylor, 1999.)

2.) Substance Abuse – Research shows that those who abuse multiple substances show more impulsive behavior than those who abuse single substances. (O’Boyle & Baratt, 1993).

3.) Major Mental Disorders - Often associated with impulsivity while the individual is in a psychotic state. This is particularly true of Bipolar Disorder where the impulsive behavior is most often associated with the manic phase.

4.) Personality Disorders - Primarily borderline, anti-social, narcissistic, and histrionic. Impulsivity in the form of risk-tasking behaviors, sexual promiscuity, gestures and threats of self-harm and other attention-seeking behaviors.

“So what is the treatment for someone with Impulse Control Disorder AND an Eating Disorder?” I’m so glad you asked! … At The Victorian the program is structured to battle Eating Disorders from 3 angles. Mental, Physical and Spiritual. Here is how we do it.

1.) MENTAL - Therapy – We teach our clients the life long tool of how to be their own therapist. Our therapist don’t preach they challenge the clients ….“Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now before I do this impulsive act? Now, play it through…what am I going to do, how am I going to do it and how will I feel afterward?” Through therapy we give clients tools to take care of themselves and eventually heal.

2.) PHYSICAL - Medication – Within the first few days of arrival at The Victorian an appointment is set up with a trusted and outstanding Psychiatrist who assesses the client and prescribes medication if needed.

3.) SPIRITUAL - Supportive Living Environment – When it comes to Eating Disorders and Impulse Control Disorder, recovery is a life long process. It starts with the individual being held accountable for their actions by staff. At The Victorian we don’t lock the cupboards or kitchen and we allow clients to prepare their own food with staff present. The only job of the client is to be honest, to ask for support when their impulses feel out of control and to speak up when their ED (Eating Disorder) is chattering eating disordered thoughts to them. Together staff and client can battle this disease together.

I hope this answered some of your questions about Impulse Control Disorder and Eating Disorders! Have a great weekend and Happy Recovery! Xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment, Impulse control, OCD, Self Control

Valentines Day is coming…. And though the moans and sighs of Victorian clients fill the house, there is some wisdom amongst the women without a partner to share the lovers holiday with. I have seen the women rally around each other and finding the positive side of being in Eating Disorder treatment over the holiday. Many note that being in treatment will make them a better wife, girlfriend and mother in the long run. Treatment allows them the opportunity to love deeper and better.

As I hear the women talk I am reminded of an old adage, “Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself.” The first time I heard this was when I was about 17. These words sounded like a foreign language to me. I envisioned myself on a football field, all suited up and ready to play, but before I could even step on the field the referee stopped me before I ever touched the sidelines with the prerequisite, “You must love yourself first, BEFORE you can step on the field and play.” Up until that point I had always believed that love was an open game for anyone to play, that is anyone who had the “courage” to play.

Since the first time I have heard this saying about loving yourself first, I have learned that courage definitely is necessary to love, but the courage must be rooted in a deep love to love yourself through thick and thin. The best way I can paint this picture is with a high school. All high school teenagers go through a phase of insecurity, self doubt and confusion. While they are trying to figure out where they belong amongst cheerleaders and the artsy crew, they cling to their close friends for reassurance and praise that they do in deed have a place to belong. I’m sure all of us remember “cliques” in high school. Not loving yourself first is like being a hormonal teenager in a clique. You cling to a group or best friend to validate you, define you and give you purpose. Eventually though we all learn that our best friends are flawed too. That just because they are in our clique doesn’t make them infalliable. This realization that our clique isn't perfect sends us into a tail spin, that we aren't safe in the world any longer.

The truth is when you love yourself you can step out of a clique and say, “Wow, I’m not as loud as a cheerleader. I’m not as deep as the drama kids. I’m not as charismatic as the ASB president. In honesty, I’m a talented individual who can make great tea pots with clay, I’m an average student, but I’m a kind person and I’m a great friend and I draw well with pastels. And now that I see that I am not perfect I can also see that other people aren’t perfect. I can see where I have a temper, insecurity and fear and I still love myself for that. I don’t need anyone’s validation that I am smart or pretty enough, because I know that I am just fine where I am. When we get to this spot of accepting ourselves and not clinging to anything or anyone to keep us safe we can freely and openly love people. We can see our partners for their weaknesses and flaws and say, I know you’re not perfect and I know I’m not perfect, but I still love you and I still love me.

In all honesty I think it’s actually harder to love yourself than to love another person. Because at the end of the day we know our flaws. We know where we are ignorant, rude and inconsiderate. The hard thing is to be able to look at ourselves honestly and say, “I know you’re not perfect and I still LOVE you.” When we can do that for ourselves we can honestly and sincerely grow close to other people. We can see where they are not perfect and instead of being disappointed or critical of them we can instead relate to that imperfection and in turn say, “I know you’re not perfect, but I still LOVE you.”

Happy Valentines to all! May you love much and well this year and may you most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
 
xoxo,
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment

When family members bring their loved ones to treatment for substance abuse and eating disorder issues, the hopeful anticipation is that at discharge, they will be ‘fixed’. Despite the fact that my magic wand holds a special place in my office, it seldom works the way family members want it to. Healing from substance abuse and eating disorder behaviors is a complex and complicated endeavor and requires more than simply work on the sufferer’s behalf. From my perspective, healing is a family affair revolving around the building of open and honest lines of communication. Getting to this point can be challenging and oftentimes the clinician has to overcome significant defenses inherent within the family system.

The goal of family healing is to subvert any notion of blame. Rather the intention is to move from self-absorption or self- flagellation to a place without guilt and shame – a place of openness focused on utilizing the past only for self-discovery and growth. The creation of substance abuse and eating disorder behaviors usually develops from multiple factors rather than one single cause. There is no need to expend time and energy on examining these factors ad infinitum. Most important is to begin with a willingness to create the open, honest lines of communication towards the development of new behaviors and discovery; a willingness to listen and tackle those issues in a significant enough way that allow for listening closely to the sufferer’s story.

Let’s examine what we know about the complexities of substance abuse and eating disorder behaviors. For the most part, these behaviors are utilized as coping mechanisms by the sufferer to act as numbing behaviors to separate them from ‘feeling states’. But if we look closely with open hearts and eyes, it soon becomes revealed that these behaviors when extreme, become a cry for help, a cry for attention by the sufferer.
There are many contributing factors to the rise of substance abuse and eating disorder behaviors. We live in a world where the media barrage of diet fads and obsessive attention to body image is excessive to say the least. We live in a world where family structures are dissipating which in turn leaves adolescents vulnerable to define their own acceptable sense of self. We live in a world where perfectionism is a common denominator between those who are born to believe they are capable and those who are not. Most importantly there are many exemplifying factors to consider such as stress, depression, socioeconomic positioning, and the list continues.

But let’s get to the bottom line here – the healing process is indeed a family affair.

My goal when working with families is to help understand each individuals’ fears surrounding the sufferer, and to help each person in the system become empowered by creating honest, trusting, and deep bonds with the other. This development is not an overnight process, nor does my ‘magic wand’ help in the endeavor. Rather it is a slow, pedantic process requiring an open heart, mind, and most importantly, the willingness to be vulnerable, introspective, and supportive in a healthy way to the sufferer. I firmly believe that if these elements are in place, magic can happen in the healing process.

The most significant factor of all is that the identified sufferer gleans a new perspective on life as do those in the family system who come to the witness the metamorphosis. Oftentimes the metamorphosis is their very own.







Dr. Michele Lob PsyD MFT is the Clinical Director at the Victorian House in Newport Beach, CA. She also has a private practice working with families and children in Newport Beach.

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Treatment, Newport Beach Eating Disorder

The coolest thing happened to me this week I received an email from another woman in Overeaters Anonymous who is living outside the US, in an area where there are no OA meetings to attend. She reached out to me for support. What a rock star she is huh? We have been emailing a bit. The other day she asked me a great question, “What does your God look like and how did you find him/her/it?' I would love to hear about your Higher Power if you wouldn’t mind sharing!” I was taken back, by such a deep and profound question than many people new to Eating Disorder Treatment have. I wanted to take some time to think about it and share it with all of you too.

For me, my Higher Power is what I call “God.” I consider God the foundation for my recovery and my life. He’s like, I guess you would say, “The man of the house” (well, my house anyway.) I believe that I can’t change jobs, date this guy, not that guy, not eat dinner or eat a pint of ice cream and not return phone calls without consulting God, “The man of the house” first. I am an artist and by nature a very visual person. So I need to have a visual of what my God looks like and does, envisioning someone I share my life with and have to check in with works for me.

How did I find my Higher Power?
When I came into treatment for my eating disorder I did Step One of the 12 Steps which is “We admitted we were powerless over food and that our live had become unmanageable.” Which was completely true in my case, but you have to read my book for the details ;) My whole life including my food was one big terrifying mess and it was my management of my life that got me there. Doing Step1 helped me to do Step 2 which is, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Doing step 2 is a huge leap of faith for anyone. If you’re anything like me you tried to do everything in your power to stop your eating disorder yourself, you spent thousands of dollars on meds, doctors, dieticians and rehab, but when it came down to it the bridge between recovery and addiction was surrendering your life to God and BELIEVING that He could fix you. Sound a bit freaky? Yeah, I’m with you. It is freaky, but oddly…it works. Being humbled enough to say, “Show me a different way of thinking, being and living and show me how to do it.” Is a hard thing for someone with an addiction, but it also the most valuable tool needed to stop diseased behaviors.

What does it look like to have a Higher Power?
At first it’s very difficult to have a higher power. I found that I couldn’t do everything that I wanted, whenever I wanted and that was HARD! When I surrendered my whole life to God I surrender my meals, my time, my food, my faith, my friends, my family and my job to Him. My whole life is under His discretion. If I don’t want to eat a meal, I have to ask my Higher Power, “What should I do?” and my Higher Power usually says, “You need to nourish your body on a regular basis. Now lets go eat dinner.” If I’m dating a guy who I just feel awkward and stupid around, I ask God, “What do you think of him?” and God will say, “I think you deserve to be around someone who makes you shine.”God is the healthy and protective voice of self preservation that I wasn’t born with. He is a voice that I would be dead in a gutter without.

What is your Higher Power like?
My sponsor is a smart woman. She wanted to make sure I would be able to recognize Gods voice when He spoke, so she asked me to write and draw what my God is like. This is the God of my understating. My God….

1.) Thinks I am beautiful no matter what size I am.
2.) Never yells or gets angry with me. He is patient and kind to me.
3.) Thinks I am really funny and cute.
4.) Likes chocolate.
5.) Wears flip flops and kind of looks like a wise hippie.
6.) Is always really relaxed and calm and calms me down when I am overwhelmed.
7.) Wants me to marry a man who respects me and himself.
8.) Thinks I am smart and intelligent.
9.) Likes it when I help out other women suffering from Eating Disorders.
10.) Thinks all women are beautiful just the way they are.
11.) Listens to people share their stories and troubles.
12.) Stays in the moment.
13.) Wants me to use my talents for good.

For me, I wouldn’t have recovery if it wasn’t for my higher power. I do rely on a group of women when I feel anxious about food, I do consult a therapist when I am having trouble in life and I do journal and take care of myself, but none of that would be possible unless I had my higher power telling me to do those things. Before I was in recovery or had a Higher Power I did things according to my rules. It’s so much easier to follow God’s rules and live in God’s world. Because in God’s world, everyone is beautiful, everyone is smart and everyone is worthy of kindness and love no matter what their size. I prefer that world and that thinking over my own diseased thinking any day.

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Treatment, higher power

When someone has cancer they perform surgery to try and remove 100% of the growth or do chemo and radiology until the patient is “Cancer –Free”. The time that the patient is cancer free is called “remission”. However, all cancer patients have been told that the growth could come back at any time; it’s kind of the luck of the draw. Eating Disorders are very much like cancer in the way that someone with an Eating Disorder can go inpatient, have extensive therapy and eat healthy balanced meals for 365 days straight, but at any time the Eating Disorder behaviors could flare up and relapse could happen. Eating Disorder Behaviors can take over the body out of nowhere, just like cancer.



The only way that it has been proven to keep women abstaining from their Eating Disorder behaviors is through weekly support groups like Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous and ANAD. Just like a cancer patient who would weekly try to exercise, eat right and remove stress from their life an Eating Disordered woman in recovery has to not only exercise, eat right and remove stress, but she also must…


· Work with a Sponsor to keep her accountable


· Maintain a support group of women that she trusts and is close to, to lean on for guidance when she struggles with food or the stress of life.


· Be of service to a women who has less recovery than her so she can cultivate an attitude of empathy and altruism


· Attend weekly recovery meetings so she can share her stress and struggles


· Periodically visit a therapist to keep her honest with herself and focused on recovery


In my time in recovery and working in the Eating Disorder field I have met quite a few clients, parents and spouses who think that 90 days of intensive Eating Disorder in-patient treatment should do the trick. That all it takes is for their daughter or wife to just “learn how to eat” or “get that dark cloud away from her” and then she’ll be fine. I wish I could share with those loving family members how many women I see return to the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous and Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous after they had 5 or 10 years of recovery and just stopped participating in their recovery. They thought they could do it on their own and that they didn’t need to attend meeting or work with a sponsor to keep their behaviors in check. They were “cured.” Many, many, many women return to the rooms of OA and ABA in tears saying, “I thought it was gone.” “I thought I was cured.” “Why is it back?”


In all honesty, I was not a fan of the idea that I would need to make my recovery my top priority for the rest of my life. I said, “I don’t want some Sponsor telling me what to do and I have enough supportive friends, thank you very much.” But after a year of stomping my feet against the process I found that the people with the healthiest lives, with the smiles on their faces who actually liked themselves were the people who were dedicated to daily recovery.


Today, I know that my Eating Disorder if very much like cancer if not worse. I say that not to put cancer patients down in anyway, but just that I think in society if a cancer patient says, “My cancer came back” Most people think “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry.” Where when someone with an Eating Disorder relapses people tend to think, “Well what did YOU do wrong.” I know that there is a whole world out there of diets, detoxes, ads of under weight models; skinny celebrities and accepted eating disordered behaviors. I know that if I don’t keep my mind focused on recovery I can very easily be sucked back into a disease that will invade my whole body like cancer.


Recovery is a ton of work, but it is worth it to be Eating Disorder free and when we are Eating Disorder free we can help another woman struggling to join us as well.


Happy Recovery and Healing,


Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Anorexia is deadly, Bulimia, cancer, Eating Disorder Help, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment

In my short 26 years of life I have found that the average Joe Shmo on the street thinks that “Eating Disordered thoughts” go a little something like this…

Girl looks in the mirror at her skeletal appearance; she thinks, “OMG, I’m so FAT”

Girl is offered a cookie, she thinks: “I can’t eat that…. I’ll gain 10 pounds.”

Girl looks at carrot sticks and dip: “If I eat 200 calories now I’ll have to run 200 laps on the track at school.”

And on it goes…what many people don’t know is that Eating Disordered thoughts go much, much deeper into a persons psyche than just body image. It attacks a persons character, intelligence, substance, worth, expectations and simple existence.

A day of Eating Disordered thoughts goes something like this…

· Girl doesn’t hear her alarm and is woken up by mother for school, mother says, “We’re running late. Please dress quickly.” Girl thinks, “I can’t believe I overslept! I am so lazy!”

· Girl raises her arm in class. Teacher calls on her for the answer, she gives half of the right answer. The teacher says, “Not quite, but good try.” The girl thinks, “I’m so stupid. Why do I raise my hand at all, ever?”

· Girl sees cute guy smile at her in the hallway, she thinks: “He was smiling at me because he feels sorry for me. No one would like me. I’m stupid, clumsy and fat.”

· Friends invite girl over to hangout at house after school, girl goes while there she thinks, “I am boring them. They are so disappointed that they asked me to come over. I should leave.” And on and on it goes.

At The Victorian we encourages our clients to “watch your thoughts”. They are encouraged to speak up and freely say, “I feel fat today.” Or “I fell like such an idiot.” From there we backtrack. Meaning we go back in time and see what it is that brought on that thought. A good 99% of the time it is usually fear of their unknown future, a conflict amongst clients, a conversation with mom or their interpretation of a strangers glance at them. What we find is that it is usually a fear outside of their body that bring on the scrutinization of their body. The client feels unable to control or manipulate the situation so the disease takes that fear and puts the focus on the body. Since “of course” the body is easier to change than someone else’s perceptions of you. In turn this makes “Watching your Eating Disorder thoughts” a very big job (and slightly exhausting if you ask me.) But, all together vital for recovery. It’s when a client is able to see that “I’m fat” really means, “I’m scared that you don’t like me” they are able to see themselves clearly for where they are.

Myself and one of our Support Staff members, Katelyn holds the “5 Policy” with our clients. If we hear our clients putting themselves down by saying, “I’m fat” or “I’m so stupid!” we have them name 5 things they love about themselves. It can be anything from their hair, their laugh or their personality, but they must immediately shut down the negative with 5 positive. *It’s pretty cute when we make our staff do it too! Everyone is held up to the “5 Policy”. The idea is to constantly remind clients that Eating Disordered Thoughts = Bad Thoughts and they are not allowed here at The Victorian or in their thoughts. I personally have my sponsees call me everyday before 1pm with 3 things they are grateful for and 3 things they love about their body. That way they start their day a step ahead of their disease. Some of the women have a hard time coming up with the 3 things they love about their body so if they don’t finish I just call them back later and give them their 3. The more we all recognize ED thoughts and call them out, we will get stronger and it will get smaller.

Have a great weekend!
xoxo,
Irvina

Labels: Body Dysmorphia, Bulimia, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Treatment, psychology

When I came into recovery for my eating disorder I heard just about everyone from therapist, sponsors to other women in recovery tell me, "Don't date until you have a solid year of recovery." They explained that the recovery process is pretty dramatic in and of itself and adding a guy to the mix only adds to the already messy knot of emotions, food, uncomfortable situations and insecurities. But like any arrogant addict I blew off the words of the wise and went off dating as I pleased. My argument was that my case was definitely the exception to the rule. I had established boundaries with friends and family and I knew what I wanted from a relationship.

Like many others who date during their first year of recovery, my experience was not a good one. I discovered that even though I had good boundaries with the people I was close to, those boundaries became muddled when I was trying hard to get the approval of someone new. I also found that dating brought out my ED voice and made me hypersensitive and insecure on dates, which resulted in messy food at home. I kept doing and saying things that I wasn’t proud of and that my true self didn’t agree with. After talking out these relationships with sponsors and therapist, I agreed…I’m just not ready for relationships right now.

If I could give you a metaphor I would say dating in recovery is kind of like baking cupcakes. We all love cupcakes. They are cute, fun to look at and delicious to eat. But, if you take them out of the oven before their down cooking (and cooling) you know what will happen…a big goopy, disgusting mess that tastes like raw eggs and makes a mess all over your cute dress. Yup, that’s what dating in recovery is like. You put all this time, effort and energy into your recovery. You eat your 3 meals and 3 snacks, you go to meetings, you go to therapy, you do yoga and then you take a huge jump and go date the dude down the street and you’ve got a whole mess of tears, emotions, weird food and drama. Not so much fun (or cute.)

Whether or not we’ve had 5 minutes of recovery or 5 years of recovery we all have that voice inside us that tells us right from wrong. It’s our true self trying to get out. It’s our job to relentlessly pursue that voice until in manifests into our entire being. That’s what recovery is all about becoming who we truly want to be. Then eventually sharing that person with someone extra special and deserving of us.

Love you beautiful ladies,

Irvina

Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
-George Santayana

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Help, Eating Disorder Therapist Newport Beach, Eating Disorder Treatment