Eating Disorders Recovery Blog

So when I am not writing this fabulous Eating Disorder Recovery blog and facilitating meeting at The Victorian I work at an Art School, teaching art to kids ages 3 to 18. Since a lot of the parents know that I work in the Eating Disorder field they like to double check with me that the way they are raising their daughter is kosher and she will end up "Eating Disorder Free".

As much as I would love to tell them the exact way to parent their child to avoid an Eating Disorder that is impossible. Eating Disorders have been proven to be a psychological disease and genetically predisposed from birth. However, the environment the child is raised in can have an affect on the severity of the Eating Disorder. Thus, the questions from my students parents flood in. One I got last week was very interesting to me. One mother asked me, "I tell my 2 year old she is 'so beautiful' probably 15 times a day. That's okay right?"

I think this is a great question and the answer is Yes and No. Yes, in that every child does build self esteem knowing that their parents think they are beautiful and attractive. Esspecially at the age of 2 a child considers a parents words to be gospel, telling a child they are beautiful is a positive thing because it builds their sense of self in a positive direction.

Where this can go wrong is if the parent doesn't give equal importance of being beautiful to being smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, a good friend or friendly. Children need to learn that besides their beauty they have worth in multiple other areas as a human being.

I would encourage parents that for every time you tell your child, "You are beautiful" you also look for opportunities to tell them, "You are so kind. I love being around you!"

Have a great week!
Love, Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Treatment

At the Victorian House we use the 12 Steps used in Alcoholics Anonymous for Eating Disorder Recovery. The Victorian women attend Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous Meetings and Overeaters Anonymous Meetings, where the 12 Steps are practiced and taught. Everyone on staff at the Victorian understands and implements the 12 Steps with clients as well. But, do the 12 Steps really work for Eating Disorders?


To answer that question we have to be on the same level of understanding. As trained professionals who treat Eating Disorders we treat it as a disease, like diabetes or a heart condition. If someone is diagnosed with diabetes they will have to treat it for the rest of their life. We see Eating Disorders in the same way, our client has a disease that they will have for the rest of their life, it’s our job to teach them how to cope and care for themselves. Like someone with diabetes who takes insulin daily, people with Eating Disorders have to work on their recovery, daily. Because Eating Disorders are a disease of the mind, a 12 Step program works well because the program is structured under mental, physical and spiritual recovery. Participants are encouraged to be held accountable to a sponsor, share their struggles and triumphs in a group format, journal and reflect on their actions. A 12 Step program is a lifestyle of living opposite of addiction. The biggest difference is the amount of accountability the members hold each other to.

But, lets say (like many women who come into the Victorian house very sick and resistant say) that “12 Step just isn’t for me. I can do recovery on my own with a therapist.” Would that work just as well?

As much as I would love to say that, “There are different strokes for different folks” I have been around the 12 Step rooms for Eating Disorders for quite some time now and I have repeatedly found handfulls of women who come in every week sharing stories like this:
“I went into treatment. I had 3 years of recovery…I thought I didn’t need a 12 step group…..I didn’t throw up for 3 whole years….Then I started studying for my nursing exams and POW…My bulimia was back.”

Or:

“I had 5 years of recovery. I worked with a therapist and dietician monthly. I was so sure I would never binge again that I would have given you my right arm. I didn’t think I needed meetings…then BANG out of nowhere I became Anorexic all of the sudden…I thought after 5 years I was done with all of this nonsense!”

This repeating tape leads me to believe that there really is something that works in the 12 Step programs. The people who maintain their attendance in 12 Step meetings more often than not maintain their abstinence and grow stronger against their Eating Disorder.
The bottom line is recovery from an Eating Disorder is a lifelong process. You don’t put someone in rehab for 9 months and expect them to walk out a recovered person without a trace of Eating Disorder on them. I like to refer to an Eating Disorder as cancer…it is always in remission. You never know when it’s going to strike back again. I believe one is better off maintaining a lifestyle of recovery in a 12 Step program so they are stronger to battle ED when he comes knocking again.

Whether or not you choose to participate in a 12 Step group or work with a therapist and dietician for the rest of your life, recovery is inevitably a life long process. The Victorian believes that the road to recovery is a process full of milestones and failures, there is something to learn from every experience good and bad. If you’re struggling to find what works for you I encourage you to listen to the voice inside you and always BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.
Love,
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia information, Bulimia treatment, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery, Rehab for Eating Disorders

This week the Clinical Director of The Victorian, Dr. Michele Lob sent me a poem written by one of the current clients living at The Victorian, an Eating Disorder Rehab in Newport Beach. She said the client would like the opportunity to share her poem with others who might be currently in the clutches of "ED". The following poem is her reality, painful and graphic. For me the most poignant thing about this poem is knowing the girl who wrote it....if you met her you would see a gorgeous, smart, witty, funny, creative, intelligent and caring girl. Besides her svelte appearance one would never have an inkling of the nightmare that lives inside her mind, like many women with Eating Disorders she masks it well. I wonder how many more women there are out there masking their pain? I wonder how many women you know? - Irvina



ED's Curse
By: Victorian Client, March 2010




So, you want to be skinny?


Well, you risk running into me.


My initials are E.D.


Everything is fine you see.


You tell yourself: "I just want to look like the girls on T.V"


You will start by cutting out food here and there.


One day the hunger, you won't be able to bear.


You will eat your kitchen away and what luck.....


you can throw your food up.


You make up excuses as to why you have gotten deathly thin.


You start to tell yourself I'll never throw up again.


But the second you feel pain, misery, and sorrow,


You through up again to feel empty and hollow.


I'm now your crutch, your release!


Do you think your mind will be at peace?


Well, not with me in your head,


My self-loathing thoughts will make you wish you were dead.


You're tired of throwing up stomach acid and blood,


You're tired of fainting everytime you get up,


Your teeth are rotting and you bones are thin and weak


You search for a hand to help you out of this mess


Until then, it's E.D. who has control of your stress!!!

Labels: Anorexia treatment, Bulimia treatment, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Poem, Eating disorder recovery, Rehab in newport beach, writing on Eating Disorders

A wider understanding of Eating Disorders has sky rocketed in recent years. Much of the credit goes to organizations like http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ They sponsor advertisements in magazines for recovery, they offer support for Eating Disorder suffererers and their parents AND they host the National Eating Disoarder Awareness week each Spring! Heck Yeah!

 This year all 50 of the United States and over 20 different countries came together and hosted speaking panels from Eating Disorder survivors, Fundraisers for treatment, Awareness booths on college campuses and Candle Light Vigils for those we have lost from this disease. Check out the pictures from the site by clicking here. It is truly inspiring to see people rallying together to work for change for all women! xoxo Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, Bulimia treatment, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Blog, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment

Happy Monday beauties! Last night we kicked off a great Book Study at the Victorian Recovery Rocks Meeting. We just started reading Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds From Now by Jessica Weiner. The meeting runs for an hour. We read for the first half hour, then reflected as a group on the reading for the last half hour. The thoughts from the women were a unanymous, "This book is AMAZING!" and "My Eating Disorder is evil." In the book Weiner highlights how utterly bizarre it is how much easier it is for a woman to say, "I'm Fat" rather than, "I'm lonely." It's also more acceptable for a woman to say, "I'm on a diet" rather than "I need time to take care of myself." Weiner points out the taboo's and ruffles the feathers of deciet. We are all so stoked to get back to this book in the weeks to come!

I actually went online and found some more info on Jessica Weiner. If you want to get involved in advocacy for Eating Disorder recovery her site is a great place to start, check it out: http://www.jessweiner.com/

Have a great day!

xoxo
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia rehab, books on Eating Disorders, Bulimia, compulsive overeating help, Eating Disorder Blog, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Treatment, Life Doesn't Begin 5 pounds from Now

Eating Disorders are not a disease of vanity, self absorbtion or an aversion to food, they are a disease of the mind. For a person without an Eating Disorder addiction it is normal to have some feelings of insecurity when "Keeping up with Jones'" It's the human condition to look around and ask, "Where do I measure up?" "Where can I improve?" But, for a woman or man with an Eating Disorder the question isn't "Where do I measure up?" It's "Am I the BEST?" If we are not the BEST, we honestly, hate ourselves and we cope with putting the focus and attention on our bodies.

Research has proven that women with Anorexia Nervosa have IQ scores between 120 and 140 (Thats pretty stinkin' high) Obviously it is in the genetic disposition of these clients to be naturally high achievers. The goal in Eating Disorder treatment is to take that drive for perfection and channel it into a healthy avenue that looks like a "Perfectly Imperfect Life." Now, to you, maybe you're a parent or a concerned loved one you think, "Well duh. Life isn't perfect. That sounds simple. I'll teach my girl that myself." If that's your stance then I have two words for you: "Good Luck." I have worked in the Eating Disorder field for about 2 years now and I have experienced an ED myself. If there is something I know about "us" it's that this relinquishing of perfection and constant comparing takes a lifetime of recovery work.

At the Victorian we talk about being the best "Phoebe, Chloe, Liz and Irvina you can be." Doing our personal best each day and being patient with ourselves. More times than not this new way of thinking sounds repulsive to clients, I remember one client insisting, "NO! I have to be the BEST! I won't settle for the best me! I want to be THE BEST!" As she broke down in sobs.

As a woman in recovery, the thing that I have to remember about being the "BEST" is that because I have a voice in my head called "ED" my best will never be good enough. Once I accomplish straight A's, I'll be told "Anyone can do that. Wheres your 7 figure job?" Once I have the job I'll be told, "Everyone can make money. Wheres your husband?" Then I'll have him and I'll be told, "He's not much....she has a better husband...you should get a new one." The comparing, the achieving, the having never lets up with an ED. Thats why it takes a lifetime of recovery, meetings, a support group of friends who understand and periodic therapy.

I think that because Eating Disorders are so taboo in the media and not many people know that they are indeed an addiction, it seems as if a woman should just learn to "eat again and move on with her life." Hmmm...the women I know who have done that have come back after 8 years asking for help again because they thought the bulimia and starvation was gone. This disease is stuck in between the crevices and the corners of our brain. It's always waiting to pounce on us and take us down and kill us, like drugs and alcohol. That is the nature of the disease to kill us. I'm not trying to sound dark and dramatic, I guess I'm just trying to relate how something as simple as the act of comparing my body to your body can send me into a tail spin. That if I let myself look at how awesome your job and boyfriend are and then look at my single self I might come up short and then want to starve over my feelings of insecurity. So whats the solution? 1.) Meetings: Where I can say, "Hey I think I suck cause she looks cute in that dress. Is that normal?" 2.) A new way of thinking: Remembering that I am on my path and you are on yours. Sometimes I'll be in a sunnier spot and sometimes you will be, but it's my job to focus on my path, not yours.

I pray that whoever you are who is reading this blog that you learn to not compare yourself to others. That you appreciate yourself and explore your uniqueness and gifts and utilize them to the best of YOUR ability.

Much love,

Irvina

Labels: Anorexia is deadly, Bulimia, California Rehab, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery

Valentines Day is coming…. And though the moans and sighs of Victorian clients fill the house, there is some wisdom amongst the women without a partner to share the lovers holiday with. I have seen the women rally around each other and finding the positive side of being in Eating Disorder treatment over the holiday. Many note that being in treatment will make them a better wife, girlfriend and mother in the long run. Treatment allows them the opportunity to love deeper and better.

As I hear the women talk I am reminded of an old adage, “Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself.” The first time I heard this was when I was about 17. These words sounded like a foreign language to me. I envisioned myself on a football field, all suited up and ready to play, but before I could even step on the field the referee stopped me before I ever touched the sidelines with the prerequisite, “You must love yourself first, BEFORE you can step on the field and play.” Up until that point I had always believed that love was an open game for anyone to play, that is anyone who had the “courage” to play.

Since the first time I have heard this saying about loving yourself first, I have learned that courage definitely is necessary to love, but the courage must be rooted in a deep love to love yourself through thick and thin. The best way I can paint this picture is with a high school. All high school teenagers go through a phase of insecurity, self doubt and confusion. While they are trying to figure out where they belong amongst cheerleaders and the artsy crew, they cling to their close friends for reassurance and praise that they do in deed have a place to belong. I’m sure all of us remember “cliques” in high school. Not loving yourself first is like being a hormonal teenager in a clique. You cling to a group or best friend to validate you, define you and give you purpose. Eventually though we all learn that our best friends are flawed too. That just because they are in our clique doesn’t make them infalliable. This realization that our clique isn't perfect sends us into a tail spin, that we aren't safe in the world any longer.

The truth is when you love yourself you can step out of a clique and say, “Wow, I’m not as loud as a cheerleader. I’m not as deep as the drama kids. I’m not as charismatic as the ASB president. In honesty, I’m a talented individual who can make great tea pots with clay, I’m an average student, but I’m a kind person and I’m a great friend and I draw well with pastels. And now that I see that I am not perfect I can also see that other people aren’t perfect. I can see where I have a temper, insecurity and fear and I still love myself for that. I don’t need anyone’s validation that I am smart or pretty enough, because I know that I am just fine where I am. When we get to this spot of accepting ourselves and not clinging to anything or anyone to keep us safe we can freely and openly love people. We can see our partners for their weaknesses and flaws and say, I know you’re not perfect and I know I’m not perfect, but I still love you and I still love me.

In all honesty I think it’s actually harder to love yourself than to love another person. Because at the end of the day we know our flaws. We know where we are ignorant, rude and inconsiderate. The hard thing is to be able to look at ourselves honestly and say, “I know you’re not perfect and I still LOVE you.” When we can do that for ourselves we can honestly and sincerely grow close to other people. We can see where they are not perfect and instead of being disappointed or critical of them we can instead relate to that imperfection and in turn say, “I know you’re not perfect, but I still LOVE you.”

Happy Valentines to all! May you love much and well this year and may you most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
 
xoxo,
Irvina

Labels: Anorexia, Bulimia, Compulsive Overeating, Eating Disorder Help, Eating disorder recovery, Eating Disorder Rehab, Eating Disorder Treatment