Sponsoring women with eating disorders
Once we have gained eating disorder recovery we are asked to Sponsor other women through their own recovery, but where do we start with Sponsoring?
The last step, the 12th Step is to “Carry on the message of Overeater Anonymous ” which means sponsoring another women in her eating disorder recovery. The struggle in sponsoring is that as people who struggle with addictions we have a hard time establishing boundaries. That’s why it’s important to establish a healthy Sponsor/Sponsee relationship in the beginning by asking your Sponsee to show you their level of commitment. A lot of sponsors say, “If a Sponsee can’t take simple direction in the beginning, they aren’t ready to be sponsored.” Here are some ideas of homework assignments for your sponsee’s to see if they can take your simple direction and do these assignments. These assignments also help you to gather information about your sponsee so you can be a better Sponsor.
What do you want from a Sponsor?
Ask your Sponsee to make a list of 10 things they want from a Sponsor, for example:
1.1. Return’s my phone calls within 24 hours
2.2. Eats meals with me
3.3. Hangs out with me
4.4. Works steps with me
5.5. …..
Once they have created this list you can go over it with them. You can say, “I am a very busy person, I can’t promise to return your call in 24 hours, but I can do 48 hours.” Or, “I would love to hang out with you, but I like to keep my Sponsor/Sponsee relationships professional, I have found I can’t be ‘friends’ with my Sponsees because it makes things confusing.” This list helps to keep everyone on the same page as far as expectations from one another.
Big Book, The Doctor’s Opinion
In the Big Book there is a chapter called the “The Doctor’s Opinion” which states why alcoholism is truly an addiction. In Overeaters Anonymous we too believe that Overeating is an addiction. Having our sponsee’s read this chapter and truly grasp that their eating disorder is a disease helps them surrender their disease to their higher power as well as help with their willingness to work with a sponsor and take direction.
Want Ad for God
In the 12 Steps we discover a “God of our own understanding.” Many of us have grown up with judging, critical, mean and demanding God. In the 12 Steps we are encouraged to imagine a God that we would like to have a relationship with. A God we could feel safe sharing our hopes, dreams, fears, successes and struggles with.
Having our Sponsees create this “Want Ad” as if they lost their God and needed to find him/her/it, what would the characteristics they would be known by? Have your Sponsee created this Want Ad and share it with you. This Want Ad will help you as you work with your Sponsee when they struggle with their life’s direction. You can ask them, “What would your God say to that?”
Check-in
How often would you like your Sponsee to check-in with you? My sponsor asks that I call her at least 5 days a week and tell her how I am feeling, 5 things I am grateful for and 1 thing I am doing for someone else’s recovery today. Some Sponsor’s ask that their Sponsee’s check-in like this so the Sponsee can learn to commit to something and know that their life is accountable to someone else. Checking-in also helps a Sponsor knows what’s going on in the Sponsee’s life and can help manage life and issues as they come up, not just when something huge comes up. If check-ins aren’t regular Sponsee’s can slip back into old patterns. Check-ins are good things!
Steps
This is the main reason why people get Sponsors, to walk them through the 12 Steps of Overeaters Anonymous or Anorexics & Bulimics Anonymous. Meeting at a coffee shop or in the privacy of someone’s home the Sponsor and Sponsee are able to discuss these steps and how to apply them to the sponsee’s life.
Abstinence
Eventually the Sponsor and Sponsee should establish what the Sponsee’s abstinence looks like. Does the sponsee want to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day? 3 meals a day? Or is a wide abstinence of no binging and no starving? Everyone is free to choose an abstinence that works for them and their recovery, but both the Sponsor and Sponsee need to be on the same page of what that abstinence is so that the Sponsor can keep the Sponsee accountable for it.
Abstinence Date
There is a saying that goes, “You pick a date and you stick to it!” A Sponsor needs to know when their Sponsees Abstinence Date is so they can keep the Sponsee accountable to that date, cheer them on in accumulating more days of abstinence and also work appropriately with the Sponsee. A Sponsor works differently with a Sponsee who has 6 months of abstinence verses one who have 6 years of abstinence.
Whether you apply some or all of these tools to your Sponsoring program, I hope you know what a service you are doing to eating disorder recovery. Thank you for dedicating your time to the recovery of others and helping to restore our society to the healthy, prosperous, beautiful place it was intended to be.
Happy Recovery,
Irvina
