Tips and boundaries on sponsoring a woman with an eating disorder
Support groups are a foundational part of recovery for many women with eating disorders. However the nature of an eating disorder behaviors including, shame, dishonesty and control can make it difficult for both the Sponsor and the Sponsee. Today we outline some tips and boundaries for a healthy Sponsor /Sponsee relationships in the eating disorder recovery process.
When someone asks you to Sponsor them it means they see something in your recovery that they want themselves. Therefore I always consider it an honor when a woman asks me to Sponsor her in her eating disorder recovery. Sponsoring requires a commitment of giving time and energy. Over the years I have made some mistakes as a Sponsor. Learning from my mistakes I have learned that setting up the proper foundation and boundaries is pivotal to both my own and my Sponsee’s recovery. Today I’d like to share how I approach the Sponsor/Sponsee relationship.
1st – Email – I give the Sponsee my email address and ask them to email me what they would like from a sponsor .
2nd – Coffee – At coffee we discuss the list they have made. I let them know what I can and can not do. For instance, I let them know, “Yes, I can call you back within 48 hours.” I also let them know, no I can not help them with their meal plan.
3rd – Sponsorship – Once we are on the same page and lay out what we each need and want Sponsorship begins.
Below I have laid out what I require of my Sponsee’s and what I’am willing to give as a Sponsor. I have found these guidelines to be very helpful in the Sponsoring process.
Your Job as a Sponsee
· WRITE - down what you want in a Sponsor
· PICK A DATE- and stick to it (*We both establish a date)
· PICK AN ABSTINENCE- and stick to it (*We both establish an abstinence)
· WORK- the steps
My Job as a Sponsor
· I HELP YOU apply the steps to your life
· MEETING UP- I do not set up regular times to meet with Sponsee’s. When you have worked a step/tradition you call me and we set up a time to meet and work the step/tradition
· PHONE CALLS – You may want to call in at a certain time and that's fine. If you need me to call you back then you need to say in your message, “I need you to call me back.” Long voice mails should not be necessary each day.
If you are going to call me and leave me a message I need you to include:
1.) Whatever it is you’re struggling with
2.) Tell me how you are feeling (the emotion)
3.) Three things you’re grateful for
4.) What you are doing for someone elses recovery today
· MY RULES:
1.) Must go to meetings
2.) Must work steps
3.) Must take meds as prescribed
