bad thoughts

In my short 26 years of life I have found that the average Joe Shmo on the street thinks that “Eating Disordered thoughts” go a little something like this…

Eating Disorder Thoughts...

Girl looks in the mirror at her skeletal appearance; she thinks, “OMG, I’m so FAT”

Girl is offered a cookie, she thinks: “I can’t eat that…. I’ll gain 10 pounds.”

Girl looks at carrot sticks and dip: “If I eat 200 calories now I’ll have to run 200 laps on the track at school.”

And on it goes…what many people don’t know is that Eating Disordered thoughts go much, much deeper into a persons psyche than just body image. It attacks a persons character, intelligence, substance, worth, expectations and simple existence.

A day of Eating Disordered thoughts goes something like this…

- Girl doesn’t hear her alarm and is woken up by mother for school, mother says, “We’re running late. Please dress quickly.” Girl thinks, “I can’t believe I overslept! I am so lazy!”

- Girl raises her arm in class. Teacher calls on her for the answer, she gives half of the right answer. The teacher says, “Not quite, but good try.” The girl thinks, “I’m so stupid. Why do I raise my hand at all, ever?”

- Girl sees cute guy smile at her in the hallway, she thinks: “He was smiling at me because he feels sorry for me. No one would like me. I’m stupid, clumsy and fat.”

- Friends invite girl over to hangout at house after school, girl goes while there she thinks, “I am boring them. They are so disappointed that they asked me to come over. I should leave.” And on and on it goes.

At The Victorian we encourages our clients to “watch your thoughts”. They are encouraged to speak up and freely say, “I feel fat today.” Or “I fell like such an idiot.” From there we backtrack. Meaning we go back in time and see what it is that brought on that thought. A good 99% of the time it is usually fear of their unknown future, a conflict amongst clients, a conversation with mom or their interpretation of a strangers glance at them. What we find is that it is usually a fear outside of their body that bring on the scrutinization of their body. The client feels unable to control or manipulate the situation so the disease takes that fear and puts the focus on the body. Since “of course” the body is easier to change than someone else’s perceptions of you. In turn this makes “Watching your Eating Disorder thoughts” a very big job (and slightly exhausting if you ask me.) But, all together vital for recovery. It’s when a client is able to see that “I’m fat” really means, “I’m scared that you don’t like me” they are able to see themselves clearly for where they are.

Myself and one of our Support Staff members, Katelyn holds the “5 Policy” with our clients. If we hear our clients putting themselves down by saying, “I’m fat” or “I’m so stupid!” we have them name 5 things they love about themselves. It can be anything from their hair, their laugh or their personality, but they must immediately shut down the negative with 5 positive. *It’s pretty cute when we make our staff do it too! Everyone is held up to the “5 Policy”. The idea is to constantly remind clients that Eating Disordered Thoughts = Bad Thoughts and they are not allowed here at The Victorian or in their thoughts. I personally have my sponsees call me everyday before 1pm with 3 things they are grateful for and 3 things they love about their body. That way they start their day a step ahead of their disease. Some of the women have a hard time coming up with the 3 things they love about their body so if they don’t finish I just call them back later and give them their 3. The more we all recognize ED thoughts and call them out, we will get stronger and it will get smaller.

Have a great weekend!
xoxo,
Irvina